Oh my gosh! I'm reading way too many good stories right now!! Pleae update, I'm thristing for more.

Your story has interesting characters that seem to have a past and your descriptions are well-detailed. As for the actual plot, I think it is still a little early to comment, but I like the tension between Dane and Cheyenne, even though they both seem to be too eager about each other and I am not sure that it is realistic – but this just a personal opinion. However, you should be more careful when a new scene starts. For example, in Chapter 2:

"The Electric Slide had been their traditional dance since they had went to their first dance club.

'You’re changing the subject but I’m going to let you…for now.' Amber said and followed her out the door.

Dane watched as Cheyenne made her way to the dance floor. She was smiling as she shimmied her way to the dancing couples, stopping to talk to the DJ for a moment and laughing at something he had said."

The scene changes form Cheyenne’s thoughts to Dave’s but it is rather abrupt and I was momentarily confused.

Also, in Chapter 4:

"She headed toward her office and flipped the light on. It flickered a moment before she heard the telltale popping sound of a dead bulb and she swore softly before she made her way to the supply closet.

Dane shoved a hand through his blond locks as he stood in the parking lot of Cheyenne’s building hesitantly for a few moments."

The scene changes and so does the POV. We are transferred for the scene at the kitchen, where we are shown Cheyenne’s POV, to the office (Dave’s POV) but it is rather abrupt. I had to go back and re-read the previous paragraphs to understand what is going on.

So, maybe you should work a bit on how the story flows and the way you use the narrative of the third person perspective (I hope that this makes sense!)

In any case, I am intrigued enough by your story to want to know what will happen at the next chapter :)

WIAT im lost!

Dane is the best man right? Why did you mention the dentists office, that guy was someone else right? Im all confused

ahaha busted!! heh. great chapter. i cant wait for more

oh now i feel sorry for dane kinda. and cheyenne should just admit she wants to talk with him etc. cya later ~ Alenor.

I really liked Josh's comments about Dane just wanting to prove himself with Cheyenne, 'cause i was kind of thinking the same thing.

Your way of describing their dance was good as well, with both points of view. Dane is definitely becoming more interesting and I can't wait to read more.

oh.,...good chapter. and the tension thickens. haha. i cant wait for more

aww is she scared? does she have a bad past? and why did tia leave him?

HAHAHA gold! i love it!

heh. loved the ending of this chapter. good story so far and i cant wait for more. update soon!!

Hahahaha, poor girl. Hahaha.

I love this story already and you're only on chapter 2!

So Cheyenne isn't ugly, and Dane is just a nervous virgin, even though he isn't.

Does Dane have drinking issuses??

Hmm, makes me wonder.

Please...


UPDATE SOON!

-Nikkole

OMG I love this story so far..your characters are fantastic lol!! please update soon!! cuz i cant wait

hmm...interesting. dane does sound rather arrogant. i can't wait for more ~ Alenor.

haha your characters are great so far and im feelin this story already!! cant wait for the next update!! :)

thats so embarrassing when that happens! you don't mean to insult them (most of the time) and then when you try to apologise it just seems even worse!

anyway, loved it, now i just have to put my memory to the test and remember to read the next chapter...or i could write it down! woot, go me!