Powerful.

Nice. I like how you portray the scene and the sceme in front of us. Great choice of words I mean. Masterful

this is sexy.
i soso get this.

favorites.

"smile/smirk/wink; lick lips"
love it. visual, sensual, smart. guarded until... the last line maybe. but without the last line, this wouldn't feel human.

wow i can totally relate. lol so beautifully dripping with sarcasm. nice work.

Violent and intense. The desperation is practically screaming out of the page. I love it.

I like that title... because without it the poem would have a different meaning... I also really love that last line and the word so... great job

you can always make sense of things.

i could shove a gun down your throat
and realize a moment too late that it isnt you that i hate
but myself


no, i didnt get this at all

LOVE it. wow. Your style is amazing.

two to five years
is nothing

ne?
nevermind the time it takes for eyes to grow, for skin to heal, never mind the midways of state fairs

two to five years is nothing


just a little connection to your poem
The "smile/smirk/wink" is done beautifully. It's always done beautifully because when one knows how to use it, they really know. I like the play of hot and cold; the whole idea about it being cold enough to burn.

I like it, alot. ~

absolutely chilling. the "hand between the legs" part adds such sexual tension. nice use of capital letters - it enhances it instead of detracting like most capitals do. made me hope no one knocks on my door in the next hour.

I'll fan-girl you now.

Because, you know.

You made a format like this sexy--

And, um, not emo. At all.

So, yeah, I kinda love you.

(When do you want meet behind the bleachers, babe?)

Oh: and I love you more because, whe! I'm writing.

[coos]

You are such a pretty poodle.

[pets]

...

You will be writing more--in this style, correct? Because you just do it justice with the, um:

"my hands between my legs. (for you)
everything is a GODDAMNED GAME/" -- I think everyone is thinking of quickies in the backseat of cars when we read that line. That, or I'm being a perverted prick again because, you know, Melanie--smile persephone--wants me to write girl!porn and I was like, I will I will when, like, a babe--

WTF? I'm rambling again; I need sleep because four-hours just isn't enough. Really.

You know the whole shabang at this point: I'm free at the bleachers; our love is innevitable; and it is all your fault for being a brilliant little poodle with an awesome--ly poetic--mind and, um, yup.

Your fault, not mine. ^__^;

(P.S:

I'm sorry. I kinda ripped off a poem of yours and, um, I'm sorry. It will never be posted--tre bad--and I just wanted you to know because you'r like a drug man, you make me loops as hell. O__o

LOVE, and write more. Plzkthb.

And, um, sorry I didn't review this sooner--I swear, you're a saint with keeping up with me. Like wise, I am you inverse; I'm black and your kinda white--what? You think you'll get the white minus the kinds just because you're, um, awesome? Well: you wrote "dumb puppet" and that kinda broke me! :/)

- Noelle

holy god. this is great. i said out loud, whoa, after reading the first line. "smoldering cold" is about as beautiful as the language can get. what strikes me most about this poem, is how believeable it is. every word and line and sound slide perfectly into place around another to create an intense, interesting scene dripping with the strangest hatred-grief. "everything is a GODDAMNED GAME" is exactly what i'd think this person would be thinking at a time like this. your use of simple words arranged simply to speak with such force is masterful. im a fan. :)

love, c.induced.

uwah!! "melt fucking melt for me". my god, you can do no wrong. this entire piece... i love the style you incorporated and the entire subject matter is KA-POW and inyourface... wonderful wonderful.