You updated. I thought it was just a one-shot. I'm glad you are continuing with it. Can't wait to read more.

Nice, update.

This was totally straight to the point. I like it.

Nice start! I like your style. Is it going to be like this the whole way through? Anyway, keep writing.

I like it. This has a nice twist on a stereotypical situation. It's a very interesting read, though a little choppy sometimes.

I liked your use of short sentences a lot in this piece. You did it quite effectively, congrats. You also really hit the first person persona for me. Usually I hate first person POV but this worked well because you pulled straight from the characters head. Well done! Though it doesn't read like a story to me yet, (is there more to it?), it definitely could with a few subtle changes near the ending. Anyway, nice piece!