FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| recycle rhymes 2007-04-08 ch 1,   | i love this style! nice work. |
| Idiot Pilot 2007-02-26 ch 1, | I have three favorite lines, "the summer air will push your thawed heart away", "he left me alone under the kerosene lights", and "i felt astrological." All of those are very good. Usually I'd advise not to end a line on the letter and because it emphasizes "and" rather than another powerful verb in poetry, but since your formatting is different anyways, it didn't seem to slow it down at all. |
| dress her up in fairytales 2007-01-28 ch 1, | i love the format. the spacing and the parenthesis add a nice effect that still would have been there even if they weren't there. "“hello,” he said./but i was not there/anymore." that makes me sad, for some reason - i don't know. |
| lackluster 2007-01-28 ch 1, | i really love the poetic effect of this. i don't know, but something about the words and the way you formatted it and especially the fifth stanza(cause it semi-rhymes), is very poetic. |
| no thanks 2007-01-28 ch 1, | this is incredibly beautiful. i love how the first lines mirror the last, i love your style, and i love this poem. |
| Miriam Doyle 2007-01-28 ch 1, | A very odd poem indeed... powerful imagery, I must say. Did you deliberately write cold twice and made the I's lower case? I loved the way you made each verse apart from one another, to make the people seem apart from each other, especially the bit where you said, 'but i was not there anymore' in the columns about him. |
| pure grace 2007-01-28 ch 1, | I actually shivered while reading this, and I don't think it's because my basement is really cold. I like this a lot. I like the symmetry of how you began and ended the poem(? is it meant to be a poem, or a story?), and I love your word choices. "he did not come, left me alone under kerosene lights and coldcold january moon." That paints a really effective picture, I can just imagine her standing there, alone, in tears. And I just wrote a story about an angel, so the reference there was well-received. One thing I didn't get was the feeling astrological. How so? Or was "astrological" just the first word that came to mind? |