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| no.peace.los.angeles 2007-02-04 ch 1,   | This is a very interesting, unique, and beautiful piece of prose. Nicely done. I like the idea you came up with - about your body being art, and how you not only create art, but ARE art, and we are, if you think about it, because we were all created ourselves. Great idea. The only thing I didn't like in this was comparing beauty to building up like snot during a bad cold. It didn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem, which was by all means very beautiful and delicate. There are a lot of other routes you could take that simile, from the simple of comparing it to water building up behind a dam (that may be a bit cliche, though) to the sexual of building up like a scream in your loins before an ** (that might not be entirely appropriate for this, either). I would stretch to find another simile for that. Good luck, and wonderful work. Keep writing! :) |
| elasticbobaturtle 2007-01-29 ch 1, | Hey, this is really lovely. There's a gentle flow of it, a very nice wisdom in a conversational tone that makes it lighter and more relatable. There's such a comfortable atmosphere about it that I love, and that draws me in deeper. The images it creates are lovely, and your word choice is wonderful, too. This sort of reminds me of one of your older pieces, "Fat Romance Revolution," I think it was? With the leaking, which I think is a beautiful concept to revisit. And yes, you never stop. :) Keep the beauty coming ;) |
| Taang-forever 2007-01-29 ch 1, | I like this a lot, it's so beautiful... |
| Anon 2007-01-29 ch 1, | This was beautifully done. |
| His Mercy's Waiting 2007-01-28 ch 1, | I like the way you started it. :) It was kind of confusing though...the way you used the simile "built up like snot during a bad cold" to describe flowing beauty...I don't know, it was kind of awkward when I read it. But I liked this part: "Sometimes he plugged our bathtub, filled it with his beauty, and let our fish swim in it." It made me smile. Keep writing! |