xD I wrote this so long ago. What I meant by "distinguished" is that I'd add the drama and all that. I'm gonna re-do it... in a "Comic book/Manga" style... maybe... but anyways, I believe I was working on Starlit Melody by the time I put this up. So, yeah... xD

Where's the story?

Where's the excitement? The Drama? Anything? This story was boring and short, with no entertainment, and the only good point I can honestly give you so you did well when it came to spelling and some-what on grammar. This chapter was also extremely short. There was no point to the breakfast, no point to the math class, no point in wasting the time writing those. You should have just detailed a dream she had, and then she woke up or something of that sort. From the sound of the title, this could very well be a great story, but you need to get to the point as well as be more descriptive when it comes to the scenery, not so much on the clothes. And elongate the story. Combine a few chapters.

Its good so far. I suggest describing people in a less obvious manner, like maybe the line where you describe the dad maybe say ," he looked handsome with his tie with garfield on it and his jet back hair slicked back." Just something like that. Thats not that great of an example but, I hope you get it. Nice start. Cant wait to read more!