Hey Hitomi! I see you've finally written something after so long :D good for you!
One thing I noticed about this story is it seems to be very inconsistent with the tense. You switched it around a lot, so it was difficult to see which tense was originally intended. For example, in this sentence:
"He had frowned in worried as he said this, in which Hitomi gives him an uncertain look in return."

In the first half of the sentence a past tense is used, but the second part is written in present tense. There were several other sentences like this so I think you should just decide on a tense before you start writing and then stick with that. Also, there were some simple grammar errors that maybe you were just thinking about too much, resulting in an awkward positioning of some of the words. In that same sentence I used as an example you used "worried," instead of "worry."
I also found the context a little difficult to understand because you filled it with a lot of extra details. I don't think you need to include all those specific dates and time periods. The readers aren't looking for a full-blown history of the characters' relationship; just a summary would have been fine.

In this sentence:” After overcoming the last test, which was realizing their feelings towards each other once more by around December 1st, 2004, it came to this," stating the exact date was really unnecessary and sort of it makes it seem like we're reading a text book. If you wanted to include such facts I think you should use them in a more casual way, something like: "It was the first day of December that they both gave away their love; a cold, wintry day much like this one." Oh an also, I don't believe "aguishly" is a word. Did you mean something else?
Whoops I guess a wrote a pretty long review. Anyway, I hope that helps you a little bit. I think you should just review your writing and grammar and ask yourself if the dialogue in the story is something you think people would really say. Keep writing and I'm sure you'll improve!

-Rini

Yay! Such a cute and romantic story! Hooray for us hopeless romantics. ^.^

Even though there's not much plot to it, the short story was really well constructed (even though I haven't read the original ^^;;). *two thumbs up* And it makes me all warm and fuzzy just thinking that Valentine's Day is just around the corner!