"I sat on the park bench, as usual..." great opening; already I get a good sense of the narrator's voice and personality. Hehe, actually the voice is wonderful the entire way through! I cannot really critique on voice, but I'm interested in what the fantasy aspects may be, so please continue.

I like it, it's beleivable. Planning to continue?

Just one small thing: "he brushes some loose red hair out of his eyes, and glowers at her." Did you mean "glowers at me"?

Anyways, I'll put this on alert and wait for an update.