FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| B.S. Ha 2007-02-04 ch 1,  | abuseThis is pretty good; I like the idea. But I would say not to have so many lines. For example: "Far from That meadow At the edge of the sea" could be "Far from that meadow At the edge of the sea" I particularly liked "Breathe with us, We are the stars." But I didn't like the last part of it- seemed random. Wolf, knife, ravens, poetry, etc. Is this a song? Because the repeated lines seem like a chorus. If not, then I would dis-encourage repeating. It was good at the beginning, but then it wasn't. I dunno what happened there. ~forestpsych |