Yes! This is how poetry should be! I can understand an angsty love poem now and then, but I've searched ardently for a true and loving love poem for three days before finding this. In this poem is captured an amazing moment that deserves poetry, and it is captured well. And the breaks, whether accidental or purposeful, seem intriguing to me. If it was accidental, I'd almost suggest keeping it this way. I am truly overjoyed to find such a poem on this site.

Very nice... I like the lonely, desperate tone... you've really captured something universal here... Why are the breaks so unorthodox?