Fabulous poem. It's cool how you change the points of view like that.

very nice. its kind of cool how you wrote it in three different parts: when he's with the woman, when she rejects him and he dies, and when Death comes to claim him. very nice on the wording, as well. keep writing.

yeah okay... now I understand the kind of wordiness you like; it's not all fluffy and pretty like most, huh? It's stuff that other people might turn away and be disgusted, but I'm more open minded. I actually read it all.. hah.

Unique twists, definitely. Nice repetition. One word of advice though. I would stop repeating "It's like..." and refer to things as metaphors, not all of them similies. I think it would make this piece stronger and sharp. And I think that's the kind of style it is.