That last line was hilarious. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~

Very interesting addition. Nice chapter title. Good job!

~Twilight Starr~

Dawn of the Dead. Now that's creepy.

~Twilight Starr~

Interesting. That kidnapping situation had to be weird. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~

Interesting beginning. I think you mean "It's [It is] dark and disgusting . . ." instead of "Its dark and digusting . . ." I like the title. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~

I noticed that the sentences are very short and clean. Almost as if you are just jotting down the things along the way. I think the story would be more engaging if it has more visual descriptions, in another words, try to show what happened instead of telling what happened. Unexpected ending, and a lot of surprises throughout the story. What a wild imagination you have!

Well that was kind of an unexpected ending! Married and a famous white rapper! Who woulda guessed?

So, is this Evelyn girl someone speacial? Or just someone you made up? Either way, it's a nice name, and brilliant job with the story. Really interesting and funny ^^

~Black and White Dreams~

hahaha! Brilliant ending! Loved it! I give this 5 stars! *

Another suprise! Why did the ** shoot him? Is there gonna be another chapter?! I can't wait!

Whoa that was completely unexpected!

That was really cool and interesting(in a good way). What exactly was the english assignment? Maybe you should try not repeating the same word twice in the same sentence. Example: "... talking to someone who speaks your own language, wait until you try to do it with someone who does not speak your language."
Love it!
~michele

A strip club? lmao okayy... well, "women" in the second paragraph should be "woman". Pretty good job with this story so far. Let me know when you have the next chapter up.

~Black and White Dreams~

Okay, that was kinda creepy... As short a chapter as it is, and with the little description there is, you had good imagery. Well done.

this chapter didn't make a whole lot of sense to me... In the matter of 5 sentences, you go from getting something to eat, to getting kidnapped... It happened way too fast. Then in the next paragraph, you're back in the airport, safe... it seems as though the kidnapping part is pointless, and just there to take up space... I don't know if your going to go farther with that later in the story, but right now, it just seems kind of pointless.

I thought this was pretty funny actually. You have a few grammar mistakes, but really good job so far.