FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-19 ch 5,  | abuseThat last line was hilarious. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-19 ch 4, | abuseVery interesting addition. Nice chapter title. Good job! ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-19 ch 3, | abuseDawn of the Dead. Now that's creepy. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-19 ch 2, | abuseInteresting. That kidnapping situation had to be weird. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-03-19 ch 1, | abuseInteresting beginning. I think you mean "It's [It is] dark and disgusting . . ." instead of "Its dark and digusting . . ." I like the title. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Elf's Cry 2007-02-21 ch 5, | abuseI noticed that the sentences are very short and clean. Almost as if you are just jotting down the things along the way. I think the story would be more engaging if it has more visual descriptions, in another words, try to show what happened instead of telling what happened. Unexpected ending, and a lot of surprises throughout the story. What a wild imagination you have! |
| Black and White Dreams 2007-02-16 ch 5, | abuseWell that was kind of an unexpected ending! Married and a famous white rapper! Who woulda guessed? So, is this Evelyn girl someone speacial? Or just someone you made up? Either way, it's a nice name, and brilliant job with the story. Really interesting and funny ^^ ~Black and White Dreams~ |
| Catcher in the Rye 2007-02-15 ch 5, | abusehahaha! Brilliant ending! Loved it! I give this 5 stars! * |
| Catcher in the Rye 2007-02-12 ch 4, | abuseAnother suprise! Why did the ** shoot him? Is there gonna be another chapter?! I can't wait! |
| Catcher in the Rye 2007-02-12 ch 3, | abuseWhoa that was completely unexpected! |
| Catcher in the Rye 2007-02-12 ch 1, | abuseThat was really cool and interesting(in a good way). What exactly was the english assignment? Maybe you should try not repeating the same word twice in the same sentence. Example: "... talking to someone who speaks your own language, wait until you try to do it with someone who does not speak your language." Love it! ~michele |
| Black and White Dreams 2007-02-10 ch 4, | abuseA strip club? lmao okayy... well, "women" in the second paragraph should be "woman". Pretty good job with this story so far. Let me know when you have the next chapter up. ~Black and White Dreams~ |
| Black and White Dreams 2007-02-10 ch 3, | abuseOkay, that was kinda creepy... As short a chapter as it is, and with the little description there is, you had good imagery. Well done. |
| Black and White Dreams 2007-02-10 ch 2, | abusethis chapter didn't make a whole lot of sense to me... In the matter of 5 sentences, you go from getting something to eat, to getting kidnapped... It happened way too fast. Then in the next paragraph, you're back in the airport, safe... it seems as though the kidnapping part is pointless, and just there to take up space... I don't know if your going to go farther with that later in the story, but right now, it just seems kind of pointless. |
| Black and White Dreams 2007-02-10 ch 1, | abuseI thought this was pretty funny actually. You have a few grammar mistakes, but really good job so far. |