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| jadedmari 2007-11-08 ch 1,  | abuseThe image of a man standing over the caved out corpse of a woman with a fetus between his teeth will now repulse and haunt me for a very long time. Nice work on setting the mood, especially with a shocker like that at the end of the story. You used very good limitation to the description of the father's actions- it was neither understated nor too wordy. Also, your imagery is very good. Keep up the good work, and your story will be the reason I won't sleep for several weeks! |
| DarkBlysse 2007-09-27 ch 1, | abuseHey, Onar! Review Game time! :D First off, I picked this one and not Hel, because the whole collab thing interested me more. "I was but a small child then, I doubt I was any older than eight, the storm was an abomination to my child-like senses." --This really should be broken up into two sentences. One that has the bit about their age, and then separate how scary the storm was. "...abominable..."--This is the second time in just a few lines that you've used that word, or a derivative of it. Try to find a synonym for it. :O... Well, now that I am able to type again--Goddamnit, that's sick. Like, insanely f*cking so. But you wrote it really well, though. Just... eugh. Gross. O.o;; Why in the hell was it in his -mouth-?! This was pretty good overall, but the ending was a little too abrupt for me. It didn't wrap up anything for me, really. --Blysse |
| Ivory Byrd 2007-06-07 ch 1, | abuseyay! i love it! (ignore her she finds glee in these things) it was really well described and i could see it all in my minds eye, is it just a oneshot? i hope not because its really great! |
| InViSiBlE wOmAn 2007-05-31 ch 1, | abuseIncredibly vivid! As you said twisted, but still amazing, excellent job! |
| The Tale Teller 2007-04-16 ch 1, | abuseWow. That was intense, especially at the end with the father. It doesn't need more, but it might be interesting to see where it goes. |
| temporality 2007-02-28 ch 1, | abuseThat is awesomely dark, and honestly speaking? Same idea was in my head, too... don't know whether it makes us crazy or not! You wrote this well. |
| a smile goes unnoticed 2007-02-14 ch 1, | abusei love it. beautiful, sick, warped, twisted, whatever you want to call it, it doesnt matter because its just... cool. thanks for the review. keep up the good work -x- |
| a sickened pup 2007-02-10 ch 1, | abusei love me sick twisted poetry..swet |