Nice, really nice touch. Well put together and delightfully tricky ^.^ Although, I would agree and say you should perhaps break your first paragraph up a bit more. It's a little intense. Just one more suggestion, in the very last line, you used the term 'grimly'. Perhaps a more satisfying word or description could be used, like a slow smile spread across her face, or her rosebud lips curved into a delighted smile. Something crafty ^.^ Great story!

Genius! Saw his death coming, didn't see her job coming though. Genius! You really built the suspense and kept interest.

Wow completly unexpected. I thougth it was gonna be the guy but then it turned out to be her the sergeant wellI guess that was the point in the story and it's so well written, love it.

XBethX

Wow. I was totally sucked in from the first sentence. I wish I could write like that.
You...have a real talent.
Stick with it.

Pretty intense, nice use of detail. In the first paragraph though.. you could probably break up some of those sentences into shorter ones. But overall, nice job. I like your penname by the way that's an awesome song.