Reviews for UnPredictable - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: UnPredictable

johmichaels 2007-02-18 ch 1,	abuseHi. What I'm getting from this i that this is a very important story, to you. However, you're not succesfully explaining this importance to your readers. Ideally, in a romance, the reader should fall in love with the, in this case, male lead, just as the female lead does. We should know why they're meant for each other. But this story, with so little dialogue or information on characters, most importantly Adam-we've got no idea about what makes or will make him special. Secondly-the opening. I appreciate that you're stating the cliches of romances in order to make fun and conform to them at the same time (According to your summary), and it's an ambitious idea that may pay off. However, this post modernism hasn't emerged yet. And if it doesn't pay off, your left with a story which basically says exactly how the story is going to end in the first paragraph. I mean, we all know how your typical romance ends before we see it, but we also know there's a possibiltiy that it may not end that way, not matter slight. Overall, a story clearly of great importance to you, but too private to be received by others.
Cathaign 2007-02-15 ch 1,	abuseI really like the fluidity of this! It's just like someone telling a story, with the words tumbling out of her lips. I also like the premise of of your romance, and how you flat out tell everyone that the characters will interact. I would have like to see more interaction when Adam was ten, and Ally when he was a teenager. I feel like, while the story contains continuity, I don't really care about the characters, or how this girl and Adam were best friends, or why she would be so enamored with him after how little she saw of him for so many years. If it were me in this girls situation, I would think of Adam fondly, but as a passing memory. I really like the idea so far though! Keep it up!
Hippofishy 2007-02-15 ch 1,	abuseI just have to say wow I really like it. You really captured some great aspects of childhood and summer vacations. In addition, it was a good way to introduce your characters in only one chapter I feel like I know them. If you want to perfect what you got so far slowly read over it one more time I noticed a few spelling mistakes, and write another good chapter!
EmptynessFilled 2007-02-14 ch 1,	abuseEF here. You posted on my forum asking for reviews, so here I am! First, a VERY imprtant thing is the summary. NEVER EVER put "I'm bad at summaries", or "i don't know, just read it". People will think you are a 13 year old hyperactive teen girl with no imagination and no grammar skills. i no this is not the truth because of your story, but if you add an actual summary, more people will read it. Second, the more you update, the more reviews you get. Waiting an extended period of time will push your story to the bottom of the list, and fewer people will see it. Now, to actualy review the story. It started great with the narration blasting cliches, but then you pretty much went and said the story was a cliche. It took me out a bit, but the rest of the story was actually great. Being nearly 18, this story makes perfect sense. i remember all my old friends, and i thought I'd never see them again. But now that I'm in college...all my old friends are here! I really like this story. I'm not a big romance guy, but this story draws me in. If you fix the summary, it should be excellent.
Arya Darcy 2007-02-12 ch 1,	abuseIt was a good start...I'm not sure where this is going, really (obviously something's gonna happen between 'said boy' and 'said girl' though). But I'll keep it on my Story Alert list for now. :) And good job on not having profanity or sexual content spoil it.

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