hhmm im not sure about the first ? in () marks...and i also think there should be a space after here anyway if you want the quote marks...

it should by "lying on me" lay is to place an object.

i think the word "fucking" takes away fromt he emotion, and as soon as it's read, theres a new, different feel to the poem. i would replace that with a more meaningful and deep word...

i liked the use of the bold, and i like the ending of this...makes me think and is pretty deep. i can relate to it too. magnus