Oh, dont edit it! If you change the words once they have spilled themselves form your lips, they wont hold the same magick.

yeah. no, one can tell you haven't edited this. which is neat - it shows another step in the process. it - runs, on its own legs. & it's just very beautiful. much more flow than being carried by just words - or at least that's how it read to me. smoother, you know? i like it a lot. just the story, the personal side to it, it - just really good. you gave backdrop here without alienating the reader. i'm pretty sure people will gush about being able to relate. or whatever they gush about. haha. mm but lovely work, darling.

-kait

Beautiful, great imagery. You can almost smell the smoke...

Wow! The last line was brilliant! Amazing.

i really like this, mainly cos I can relate to it so well.
Its simple yet... I dunno.
Deep
x