FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Asher Rodriguez 2007-02-14 ch 1,  | abuseKind of interesting. I haven't read your other stories I think you listed at the bottom so I guess I don't really understand the character relationships. I like how you started this after a battle rather than during one. That makes it stand out from other things I've read. Also: "into light brown hair as he shifted, tucking a lock behind his hair." I think you meant "tucking a lock behind his ear". Not sure but it makes a little more sense. Anyway you did a pretty good job here. -Asher |