|Reviews for A Brightening Dawn: ADT Concept|
| Kenna-Kat11 11/6/07 . chapter 1
i like it so far...it has a nice flow and good dialouge between the characters...i also loved how you opened up with action as it immediately catches the reader's attention...the title is also great too...it is actually what caught my eye..well keep writing..can't wait to see what happens next!
| FoxyWriter 9/5/07 . chapter 1
Wow - I like this so far. The language is great - I often have a hard time knowing the way people spoke in the Dark Ages. The chapter fluent and well-written _ Nothing to complain about... not that I complain O.O - It makes me curious about that captain, though... what is she after and is she evil. She seems like it, but you never know anymore. Anyway, great chapter! :D I'll read more when I can!
| ClassicTrick 4/12/07 . chapter 3
this story is verry interesting the first chapter caught my attention and i was hooked. ah i need more :)
| Jairyanna 3/21/07 . chapter 3
Hi. Sorry I haven't been here for a while. So, to review the chapter...
Love your opening paragraph. Aw, ok I get it. _
I'm overjoyed to discover that you know when to use apostraphies. That is my pet hate in writing. Thank you for restoring my faith in the human race. _
I like the way you highlight the tension in the group by showing the peacefulness of the world around them. Like the opposite of a 'pathetic falacy'. You could say it's an 'apathecitc falacy'. :D
Lol, I like Meada's humour. ;D
In par3 I wouldn't say "gotten". I don't know what I *would* say though. "sinclair's ideas have not [become] any saner..." maybe.
"Should you not be inside?" also sounds clumsy. Even though it is a fantasy novel you're writing, I think you can still use shortened words. "[Shouldn't] you be inside?" (But again, that's just me.)
Oh. Another interesting, engaging chapter. I commend you! What's in the book? Who's the wierd woman it keeps cutting back to? The captain from chap1 perhaps? Dunno. Sounds good though. Keep up the good stuff. _
| Luicia and the voices 3/11/07 . chapter 3
WOW! this is really cool! what was the book? WHATS THE BOOK! AAHAHAH! (dies)
(comes back to life)
YAY! NICE CHAPPY! glad that you're fixing it up! I hope you update again! VVEERRYY SSOONN! (Puts away fishpaste) okay so no fishpaste...this time we have...
(pulls out majick bag of trix) MUAHAHHA! What does ol' Luicia got in her ol' bag-o-trix...? (pulls out jell-O) MUAHAHHAHA! I WILL JELL-O-FY YOU IF YOU DONT UPDATE ASAP! MUAHAHHA! (hands you a mushroom) continue please! this is starting to get interesting!
| Luicia and the voices 3/9/07 . chapter 2
lol nice chapter again. call me dumb but here and there i can't see who's talking. i get mixed up XD. Yeah i know...i'm dumb. anyhoo i think that this is a pretty good chapter... burgundy eyes and olive green eyes...sounds hot! XD update soon or the ebil chipmunks will cover you in fishpaste! MUAHAHAA!
| Luicia and the voices 3/9/07 . chapter 1
nice chapter!...you lost me half-way through it though XD
"C- captain, what are you-?" He took a step back, no longer caring to bridle the horror growing inside of him.
"Don't blame me. It is for your own good."
"Something has happened."
There was no sound save for the occasional scrape of a knife on a plate. For all the smells of a fine dinner, the air was suddenly stale and strangely unpleasant.
"Are the two of you going to bother to ask what has happened?"
"No." Meada glared at her father, her dark eyes meeting his briefly. "I don't care what you have to say until you move."
i got lost there. what happened? was it a scene change? lol. the first bit was really good! Cam sounds kinda whimpy though...is he supposed to? or am i just reading it wrong? the second bit was a bit confusing. like the captain about to kill him and suddenly the whole thing changed...to me anyway. either from that i think that it was a good chapter! *clicks the 'next button*
| Jairyanna 2/26/07 . chapter 2
Hi, it's me again! _
I would say "[Do you want] me to feel terrible?" rather than "are you wanting".
I would put in a semi-colon: "Dastardly cur[;] I would bet the Rivian fortune..."
Oh, I like this chapter! You really did a good job of explaining the situation between Meada and Kurda. And I like Sinclair: i like the idea of burgundy eyes. Sounds very menacing, but he's one of the good guys, so that's good that you're breaking the mould and not casting an out-cast as a "baddie"... (if you know what I mean..?)I hate it when books generalise groups of people. Like "All the inhabitants of this country are thieves and all the inhabitants of that country are warriors." That never happens in real life. But you did good! _I like the character development.
And I like the way you give the reader insight into what the characters are thinking by using italics. I'm a great believer in using italics in that way. _
The plot sounds like it's thickening nicely. I really like political intrigue and upheaval (although not in real life, obviously. I always obey the laws of the land. _). Ooh, tha baddies aound mean. Great! :)
And you put in a cool divider thingie! I'm in heaven. A perfect chapter.
Update soon. _
| Jairyanna 2/16/07 . chapter 1
Wow. That's a really good opening chapter! I love the tense atmospere you've created; the characters are credible; the writing style is mature and the plot has great potential.
The one and only thing I would say is that you should maybe put a dividing line between the end of the scene with that captain and the soldier and the dinner scene. But the chapter is excellent.
Update soon! _