I think if you're going to use those two commas then you should punctuate the whole piece. It'd really help guide the flow of this piece actually. Also, I think if you do that then perhaps look at not capitalising the first word of each line. It's an old tradition in poetry but one that doesn't really mesh here.

This would also work really well I think in two stanzas, with each line broken in two as such (this is just a suggestion):

The din builds down
to a peaceful calm
His feet apart,
an open palm
Never less
and always more
The silence will fade
to a deafening roar

Volume builds down
to a gentle calm
Her lowered eyes,
a hidden palm
Always says that
less is more
And the silence fades
to a deafening roar

Otherwise the language is perfect and the repetition effective.

.:midnight:.