I know this story is finished and you have several others going, but if you ever want to come back and edit it, here are some tips:

1) you say uncle and than "dad"/"father"...clarify if that person is one and the same and why they are called as such and then stick with it and don't switch throughout the story.

2) if the kid is truly a detective, they would know exactly when the party was set to end so I'd specify "run until 10pm" instead of being vague unless the invitation is not specific, in which case you could mention that

3) A blood stain on scissors from a few years ago? It would have been rubbed off by now... and also "I kinda didn't have..." sounds a bit too childish, instead try "my grip was kind of loose..." or "I didn't have a good grip on it..." (although ending a sentence with ... isn't entirely appropriate either)

4) " I wished we would arrive fashionably late. " is inappropriate grammar...instead try "I wish we would have arrived.." or "I wish we could have arrived later" there are also other minor grammatical errors/spelling errors throughout the chapter

5) "Blood was slowly making the shirt inside the man's suit redder. The left lapel was already drenched with blood..." I'd suggest saying "Blood was slowly turning the man's shirt crimson and the left lapel was noticeably drenched in blood." (it just sounds better to me)

6) Again, another detailed time mentioned "by at around 6:40" should be "paramedic arrived at 6:40pm" since detective stories should be precise (also, 40 minutes since they had arrived? when did they arrive on the crime scene? how soon after was the paramedic called?) Also, you mention policemen 3 sentences later...did they arrive with the paramedic? if so, say that

7) "found to have no pulse and no breath. He was dead, as expected" I'd change that to "found to have no pulse and no breath so was pronounced dead, as to be expected from the amount of blood that now soaked his body" or something similar, make it one long sentence instead of two

8)"I happened to be in the room as well. " We know he is in the room, he mentioned moving through arms and elbows to get in it...thus the sentence is redundant

9) You misspelled "Redwood" here "Law Offices of Defense Atty. Reddwood besides Mr. Redwood himself." and again on the next like...pick one "d" or two and stick with it

10) "and of 37 years of age;" should be "and 37 years of age", same for the other people mentioned

11) Was his uncle put on the case? What gave him the right to interview anyone?

12) Why would you have Ms. Cress repeat the information you just gave us? Don't tell us anything above and have her say everything in the interview, that makes the story flow better

13) "Ms. Cress started crying. She ran off, presumably to the bathroom to wash off her face yet again..." Combine those into "Ms. Cress started crying and she ran off, ..." and when did she wash her face the first time??

14) When Mr. Jacobson is talking, he does not need to keep saying 5:45, just have him say it once

15) Most likely, if the bullet was fatal, it would have gone in too deep into the wound...I don't think a policeman would have retrieved it even if that was not the case since that is usually the job of the coroner...

16) So does Mrs. Little share an office with Mr. Redwood or Mr. Jacobson? That is confusing as it is currently portrayed...

Anyway, I won't do this for the whole story, I just wanted to give some comments..I find the story has potential and I will continue reading it. Please let me know if you would like a beta/editor for this story or any others (my email is:

good luck with future writing endeavors!

Wow. This mystery was good, but I still have ing questions. For instance, if the hole in the wall was 6 feet high, how did James uncover it? Is he really tall?

I really like this series though. I'm writing a mystery right now, so this helped me see the basic structure of a mystery.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Well, I was planning to review every chapter but I just couldn't stop reading... So I'll post all my comments here.

I know how James feels... Adults seem to be stuck in the days where kids barely knew their ABCs by 10. They fail to realize in today's modern society that kids are smart...

And he sticks to the facts no matter what, James, I mean. I thnk I sound like that sometimes, except when I'm around kids, as I have a disability when it comes to rejecting the young.

Anyway, I've made this review long enough. Nice story, now on to case 2!