Oh my the words here have a haunting almost lyrical feel to them.

Beautifully written. Your word choice is well sculpted and your format is and readable.

Amazing work I might just have to mark you for further reading.

Good. You just feel the confliction in the narrator's mind throughout the whole thing. My favorite line is "It’s too good to fight this so bring me defeat"

wow I really like this - is it written from a girl or guys point of view? I couldn't quite figure it out. The emotions really shine through in this. Nicely done!