The story was pretty good. I didn't care for the ending. There was no closure. I'm not even sure what exactly happened.

finally finished reading it. so, you leave us with questions, eh? ah! apparently, the james/jenny relationship did end up making us feel pretty bad. I hope whatever comes next is as suspenseful.

Poor James! This has been a really good story, it's a shame it's over!

wow great story! one of the best horrors that i have read in long time. The alst line confuses me though... if you wanted you could build a sequel off thst last line... anyways good story

Divine-Insanity, I give you kudos for taking the time and effort to write something long term. It's definitely a challenge to keep up with a novel-length work, but you've been doing well. My commendations on some things: you do a great job of catching little details, like the flames dancing, or some other descriptive element of the scene. As for suspense, you've definitely proven that you have a knack for making us wonder what exactly is going on and what's going to happen. Once things pick up into high gear, I had a hard time stopping; I just wanted to keep reading. Got me hooked, so kudos there as well. By the way, I like that you have a nice grasp on verbs. It may seem like nothing, but your verbs are varied and more visual. great job. A few recommendations: there are some instances where you describe something in parentheses for our understanding. It would be much more effective (and I think you'd have fun) integrating that information into the writing in such a way that we see the information unfolding to the character, or the character speaking or thinking that thought. There are some grammar mistakes, but nothing you can't fix easily with a sweep-through edit. I think one of the most important things in fiction is to build relationships. I think you've done well, and I see that the main characters care for each other, but I find myself wanting to feel their connection more deeply. You add good elements like him being concerned over her wound, their lovemaking in the morning, etc., but...hmm, I dunno, you explain to me why I care about their relationship, which will ultimately make me more concerned about them throughout the action. Doug's character is creepy and unpredictable, kudos. Well, that's what I have to say for RTM, I hope you finish because I will continue to read and review. Check out "A Bittersweet Remembrance" for me, if you would (it's also long) and lemme know what you think. Keep pressing on, you've got something good here.

hey love!

I like the bit about the rat, nice detail.

Seriously try you can actually make pennies from it. Anyhoo, I'm off to enjoy living in our glorious capital and reread my surprisingly pleasant rejection letter.

Ciao!

I still get confused by the Man in Black issue... where's Will Smith? x

Maybe you should have put the la, la, etc. into quotations to show it was someone speaking, and not you having an ADHA attack.

The detail is nice but you over used some verbs.

"Eventually, his eyes began to hang heavy and his body began to cry out for sleep." The 'began' part was repetitive. I suggest using different ones in place of repeating.



This idea is very good though. The Red Room reminds me of a shocker (scary video) I recieved once. Naturally, it was called 'The Red Room."

FABULOUS!
i absolutely love it so far...a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that interferes with the story!!
can't wait 2 read more!!

Nice chapter, wonder what (Or who) is in the room?

If it wasn't such a hypocritical statement to say I hate cliffhangers ('cause I do 'em all the time), I'd say I hate them. But good chapter. I like it. And you updated on my birthday! Yay.

~Melody

Nice nice nice,

Your writing is improving, and I think the fact that you were having trouble with this Chapter has helped you a lot.

Can't wait to see whats in the room, keep writing!

x

Grr a cliffhanger. Wonder whats inside?

Again... me. I want an update!

Anyway, you're not online and I'm writing Hollybay so I just thought I would tell you: that I've got a new character, who is called 'Marcus Devinier'. Just a little shout out to you for the support you give me in your fanlike ways x

Wah! Who's Isabelle? O I'm so intrigued!

I liked this Chapter a lot, it's getting better every time as I always say! I was worried about doug for a moment there, but he's not dead. Phew!

Very intrigued, thanks for the HB review, Black Hole's going awesomely, speak to you soon x

I got more time now so I'm reviewing again!

Open the dor!

Who is this mysterious Man in Black? What has he done to merit capital letters in his name? Does he have magical shapeshifting powers? The questions are endless, I do hope i get answers soon.

I think you could have done a bit more with this character, suspense wise, like having him watching them at every corner or something similar, the way the little creepy dude hangs about in my story (o, what is it? where is it from? who knows!) but I loved the Suzy thing. I was like, o is it Suzy who's evil? But no. She's dead. Shame, I quite liked her! Still got Doug though. Don't kill him please. In my head he looks like RO'B and I'd quite like him to survive and find his way into my bed.

Keep writing! x