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| Guilty Angel 2007-05-12 ch 3,  | abuseI really like this story. Athena seems like a cool chick and Felicity is a good friend. Keep up the good work. |
| SkateForLife 2007-05-11 ch 3, | abuseHaha, Heather's such a **. But hey, it's a story right? Keep up the good work |
| elisefey 2007-04-13 ch 2, | abuseI like the fish out of water feeling that Athena has. It makes the whole story feel a little more fresh and interesting. And it makes her really sympathetic. Also, Felicity is really cute and fun! |
| steinbock 2007-04-02 ch 2, | abuseoh boy... I hope I don't have to wait two months for chapter 3... this is a really good story thus far with some very nice development, I look forward to seeing where you take it! |
| Honey Beddell 2007-02-22 ch 1, | abuseThe chapter starts out engaging and I liked it ... till I hit the first bit of dialogue. Dialogue is hard to do in general, and while you want to be true to how people talk, you also have to be careful not to overdo making it "real" ... in text it usually ends up sounding/reading fake, too forced. Break it up with action, setting, exposition. Remember we can't hear or see anything that is happening, so you relaying has to be done with great care and thought Also, when you're going through the main character's life, it's sort of bland. When she was this age, this happen, etc. Either it could be done in a sort of retrospective way from Athena's perspective, or should sort of be scattered throughout the story as backstory. I read once that the second chapter is usually when the story REALLY begins, before that most new writers use the first chapter to sort of take care of all the "backstory" that is either unneccesary or simply bogs down the story at this point. Anyway, hope to read/see more of your work. |