"careful artificial smiles" lovely imagery. and then relating it to the second part..."His smile was something close to honest." i love the contrast.

i ADORE the ending. the second part of this is just brilliant. the starkness of the situation and the wording. you are marvelous.

Oh god.

I envision him as a skinhead, for some reason. I don't know why. Someone sweet with no hair? Like Renton from Trainspotting, only not Scottish.

And I don't know what she looks like. She just IS. If you get me? Rambling.

Anyway, I'm in love with your writing. Seriously. You're perfect.

“Dying,” he said. “Aren’t you?”

I wish someone would answer my questions as eloquently. Maybe I should ask more interesting questions, from now on. :)

Has anyone ever told you that your writing is brilliant? I'm so glad to have found you.

I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight, until I have read everything.

“Dying,” he said. “Aren’t you?”

I think i just did.

what might the kiss have been if it had been too sweet?

WOW! Twisted, beuatiful and amazing. keep writing.


alice fell and never got up.~erAced~

this made my night, seeing your pen name in my inbox, reading your words. you ground me. and this: this is the sort of thing i scibble in out-of-the-way bars in canada, across countertops, in bathrooms, sign your name, and watch them crop up in new places.

this is nice. It's cryptic with some allusions thrown into the mix.
a pretty good recipe, a pretty good poem.

your style is so unique. it's inspiring. one of those styles that i can't critique or comment on, all i can do is furrow my eyebrows and read more as i try to find a meaning in something that could really only have meaning to its author.

_till tonight do us part

I love your attention to specific details. Especially in, "She cut her hair and dyed it black; made machetes of those sweeping cheekbones, made a mockery of that mouth. She grew thinner and thinner and her collarbone heart jutted for him." That, I think, was what grabbed my attention; you give her such spot-on attention in this.

Also, the second paragraph--practically the whole thing--is GOLD. "And she wore his jacket, play of a play on words, but everything was wonderland these days. The girl she didn’t know cut a deck of tarot cards and lines of coke and unraveled all her rabbitholes."

I think it's the word choice, the fact that you don't shy away from it; I love it.

- Noelle/poetic abortion/as beauty dies

your imagery is so delicious. You can taste and feel and hear and see every emotion in this.

"but everything was wonderland these days. The girl she didn’t know cut a deck of tarot cards and lines of coke and unraveled all her rabbitholes."

I love the reference to a fairy tale gone wrong.

excellent piece. fresh imagery, great allusions, and amazing word choice - rich and poignant will still retaining a "bare-bones" feel. great work.

"The girl she didn’t know cut a deck of tarot cards and lines of coke and unraveled all her rabbitholes."

Wow...how do you come up with lines like that? Utterly profound piece.

It's very sad. My favorite line was "her collarbone heart jutted for him." Your imagery is always so beautiful.