FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| lackluster 2007-05-30 ch 3,  | abuse"careful artificial smiles" lovely imagery. and then relating it to the second part..."His smile was something close to honest." i love the contrast. |
| lackluster 2007-05-30 ch 2, | abusei ADORE the ending. the second part of this is just brilliant. the starkness of the situation and the wording. you are marvelous. |
| super happy nuclear girl 2007-05-24 ch 3, | abuseOh god. I envision him as a skinhead, for some reason. I don't know why. Someone sweet with no hair? Like Renton from Trainspotting, only not Scottish. And I don't know what she looks like. She just IS. If you get me? Rambling. Anyway, I'm in love with your writing. Seriously. You're perfect. |
| super happy nuclear girl 2007-05-24 ch 2, | abuse“Dying,” he said. “Aren’t you?” I wish someone would answer my questions as eloquently. Maybe I should ask more interesting questions, from now on. :) Has anyone ever told you that your writing is brilliant? I'm so glad to have found you. I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight, until I have read everything. |
| pandaspots 2007-05-24 ch 2, | abuse“Dying,” he said. “Aren’t you?” I think i just did. |
| shakeyourheaditsempty 2007-05-03 ch 3, | abusewhat might the kiss have been if it had been too sweet? |
| eraced 2007-05-01 ch 3, | abuseWOW! Twisted, beuatiful and amazing. keep writing. alice fell and never got up.~erAced~ |
| cocaine and cherries 2007-04-30 ch 3, | abusethis made my night, seeing your pen name in my inbox, reading your words. you ground me. and this: this is the sort of thing i scibble in out-of-the-way bars in canada, across countertops, in bathrooms, sign your name, and watch them crop up in new places. |
| ShadesofBlue69 2007-04-30 ch 1, | abusethis is nice. It's cryptic with some allusions thrown into the mix. a pretty good recipe, a pretty good poem. |
| re x invented 2007-04-11 ch 1, | abuseyour style is so unique. it's inspiring. one of those styles that i can't critique or comment on, all i can do is furrow my eyebrows and read more as i try to find a meaning in something that could really only have meaning to its author. _till tonight do us part |
| as beauty dies 2007-04-10 ch 1, | abuseI love your attention to specific details. Especially in, "She cut her hair and dyed it black; made machetes of those sweeping cheekbones, made a mockery of that mouth. She grew thinner and thinner and her collarbone heart jutted for him." That, I think, was what grabbed my attention; you give her such spot-on attention in this. Also, the second paragraph--practically the whole thing--is GOLD. "And she wore his jacket, play of a play on words, but everything was wonderland these days. The girl she didn’t know cut a deck of tarot cards and lines of coke and unraveled all her rabbitholes." I think it's the word choice, the fact that you don't shy away from it; I love it. - Noelle/poetic abortion/as beauty dies |
| amillionlittlepieces 2007-03-20 ch 1, | abuseyour imagery is so delicious. You can taste and feel and hear and see every emotion in this. "but everything was wonderland these days. The girl she didn’t know cut a deck of tarot cards and lines of coke and unraveled all her rabbitholes." I love the reference to a fairy tale gone wrong. |
| R. Jalen 2007-02-26 ch 1, | abuseexcellent piece. fresh imagery, great allusions, and amazing word choice - rich and poignant will still retaining a "bare-bones" feel. great work. |
| Nails For Your Crucifix 2007-02-26 ch 1, | abuse"The girl she didn’t know cut a deck of tarot cards and lines of coke and unraveled all her rabbitholes." Wow...how do you come up with lines like that? Utterly profound piece. |
| lastchance02 2007-02-24 ch 1, | abuseIt's very sad. My favorite line was "her collarbone heart jutted for him." Your imagery is always so beautiful. |