Reviews for Silence - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Silence - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

snakesmyle 2007-04-15 ch 1,	abuseYou are extremely talented. This is one of the best pieces I've read in a good long time, and that includes stories by published authors. I especially love how you mentioned that Jonah HAS to count. My sister has OCD, and there are certain things that she HAS to do. I think you enlightened the reader in the most perfect way. I will definitely read any new chapters that you add, and I'm adding you to my Favorite Authors list.
schlitz 2007-04-15 ch 19,	abuseThis is a lovely story. You've beautifully crafted a poignant fantasy that is both comic and tragic. Your language and narration are elegant in their simplicity and honesty. I think it's beyond me to critique this, but I did find it to be quite moving.
mayshadow 2007-04-10 ch 20,	abuseHi! I promised I'd review and review I shall: I started reading this story and immediently got captured up in your writing. I love your particular style, it's eerie and weird, but it's fasinating and your main character is an amazing creation. The story itself shows tons of promise and I honestly can't wait to read more. You have lots of talent and this is one of the best fictionpress stories I have read in a long time. I don't think there is anything I would change about you story at all. Great job!
D L Dzioba 2007-04-06 ch 20,	abuseYou absolutely must work on this. I'd love to read more. The style, tone, voice, mood...everything is spot on and enthralling.
D L Dzioba 2007-04-06 ch 17,	abuseHey! I remember this chapter! You posted it on the NW a while ago. It makes much more sense now.
22-27-126 2007-03-29 ch 20,	abuseWow. Just. Amazing. The prologue (as I suppose it is a sort of) just drew me in. I wasn't expecting to be so...captured by this. Really. Wonderful work. Just. The first person perspective, which is so often slaughtered, is done perfectly, you've captured the thoughts and put them into words. Again. Wonderful work. Keep it up.
E.B. Rowling 2007-03-29 ch 20,	abuseI liked it! At parts where you would expect it to be tedious, you made it perfect! I really like this whole thing he thinks he killed her, he didn't kill her, and his number quirk is fantastically-done. You don't make it seem...unreal. A few quick things: I want to know more about the girl. There's so much about Suzy, but I don't now what she's like. At some parts where I felt it wasn't supposed to be funny, I laughed, but that's because this whole thing is just so...strange and it's done with a fun sort of voice but it's serious. I really like it. Keep writing! And why don't you put quotation marks around when people are saying something...?
Robin Siskin 2007-03-22 ch 6,	abuseShort piece, and I like the way it's all phrased, so there's not much I could pick out for you, but I have one comment. I like how you begin with him saying that he felt very sorry afterwards, but at the end, he doesn't repeat that. A lot of other authors would just repeat the first line rather than come up with something that tied back to the opening thought, but you went the extra mile and I really appreciate that in an author. =)
The L Factor 2007-03-22 ch 20,	abuseAh! That's very, very good writing. I really like the idea... you've done your research, and it seems that you like counting too. xD Two things, though: I think maybe the rating could stand to go up a little. Talk of murder, and the word "**" probably deserves a solid T. And also... I kind of saw this as a suspence story. It might fit the themes in here better than simply "general". Keep writing.
Robin Siskin 2007-03-20 ch 5,	abuseI won't pretend that I understand this chapter - probably because I'm not looking at it in the big scheme of things. Once I've read everything, I'm sure it'll make a lot more sense. I only saw one thing that bugged me: "recoveries aren’t instantaneous" With the conversational air that this therapist is taking, I think instantaneous is too scientific a word. =D And that's all I saw wrong with this chapter. I'm looking forwards to reading the rest of this when I get some more time.
Robin Siskin 2007-03-20 ch 4,	abuse"Here is a bit of Lloyd’s story for you, because I find that I sympathize:" I'd have this as just "I find that I sympathize with Lloyd's story:" and then have the information. "With each fall of a hoof, the steers sent up tremendous puffs of yellow dust. The dust collected in Lloyd’s hair and in his orifices—eyes, nose, ears—and in the crooks of his fingers and the bends of his elbows, so that he drifted home smelling and tasting entirely of beef." This seems like a weird bit of information to have. It doesn't really tally in with the calculating theme. "Most people don’t like doing complex calculations with days. I’m not sure why." Pure genius. Very, very in-character, and very, very spot-on. I'm doing the next chapter because this one was short and the review was also short.
believe-in-futures 2007-03-18 ch 3,	abuseThis is very interesting. It reminds me of "I am the Cheese" by Robert MacNaughton. It really drew me in. chapter 8. 2530 - "and each word, “cross” and “croix,” has four letters" which they don't - it's very noticeable. I like the humour in the piece and the pieces where he is talking about his friends from college. It really helps to humanize him and he seems more normal. Cheers.
havenn 2007-03-18 ch 20,	abuseThat was amazing; I love it. I do have to agree, it is a bit conversational but I feel like it's necessary and contributes in a beneficial way to the plot and style. The only thing I find confusing is who is talking, but I guess that's what you get when you go for a sort of stream-of-consciousness technique. All in all, very nice. Not much to say, it was great. Update soon! Haven :)
Robin Siskin 2007-03-02 ch 3,	abuse"Perhaps, by the end of my story, you’ll have figured out the answer." You've undertaken a conversational air throughout, but I think this is a bit over the top. Here, I think that "Perhaps by the end of everything you'll have figured out the answer" would work much better. As a side note, the fact that this engages the reader so much is very interesting. Not just this little puzzle you've presented the reader with, but the fact that this isn't just your garden-variety mental-breakdown story. It seems like you think from a more mathematical perspective (the story is much more calculated than what I could have done), which makes it that much more pressing on the reader. "Solutions which run" Wouldn't which be that? Or am I mangling grammatical rules again? I honestly don't know. XD But that sort of sounds better. "Solutions that run at you waving their arms wildly." "Does anyone know who Lloyd is? I would really like to know." I like this. =) It's like a Stephen King moment. Or maybe a Brady Udall moment. "Genitals prefer blondes." XD But you've probably never read the Miracle Life of Edgar Mint, so I'm wasting my time. Anyways. Consider it a side note.
Robin Siskin 2007-03-02 ch 2,	abuseI was going to do a phrase-by-phrase recount for you, but the first chapter was a bit short to do that, so I'll start that here. =D "semi-maybe-sort-of-enemies" This stuck out to me as being a sort of awkward phrase. The rest of this is so easy, so conversational, that this sounds really forced. I'm not sure what else you might use, though. Hm... "programme" Just a thought on the spelling of this word - what spellings are you using for most words? As far as I can tell, you've used mostly Americanized spellings of words, but I know that program is the Americanized spelling of programme. I could be wrong (I haven't really been paying attention to the way you're spelling things, this one jumped out at me), but it's just something to think about. It's best to use a consistent pattern of spelling things. "an extremely young boy" While the narrator does use a concise language and extremely might seem to be a good choice here, he also uses a pretty casual-concise language, if that makes any sense. Like the kind a businessman might use. So here, I'd use "a very young boy." It seems to keep him in character better without throwing the reader off with something too awkward or concise. "I said" Might be better off here with "I had said," but that's a matter of opinion. Onto the next chapter!

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