Very cool poem, I like the imagery you use. The last line really stood out to me; I really, really love what you were trying to say with it, but the grammar sounded a bit weird, sort of awkward and clunky. It might have been technically correct but it didn’t seem to match the smooth flow of the rest of this piece. All in all this was a really interesting read, though. Keep writing!

A longer poem than usual but that isn't a bad thing and certainly added more depth to it. The first stanza had a big impact to me and certainly stood out. As always I wish you well and never stop writing.

Not a bad poem, not bad at all. The only significant gripe I have about it is the last line; you shouldn't end sentences in prepositions. It's very minor and most people do so anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

Otherwise, I must see more of your writing.