FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| starleaf 2008-04-18 ch 1,  | abuseSo, oh my little l’hotel pour l’amour, keep the welcome mat swept and the cellars full of wine, because women and men are weak in the knees for a romance dark and damp, full of consequence. That was so brilliant. :) You're really good at capturing emotions and creating detailed images and the like. And especially at exploiting primitive human needs and some of the foolish ways we satisfy them. :D |
| Fractured Illusion 2007-08-22 ch 1, | abuse"Corridors, dark and damp just under the surface[,] are where vacant infatuations are filled. " "new valentines in musty[,] old hallways" "Abandon bottles by the dozen" Not too sure, but shouldn't it be "Abandoned"? The flow in this one is a bit off. When you use long and descriptive sentences like you have, you NEED short sentences along the way to even it all out. Otherwise it will be unnecesarily long and hard to read "So[,] oh my little L’Hotel pour L’Amour[,] keep the welcome mat swept and the cellars full of wine[,] because women and men are weak in the knees for a romance dark and damp" I have noticed when reading your pieces you are utterly cheap with your commas :/ this is really bad, because it kills the flow and overall structure and pacing of a sentence, which makes the readers have to re-read it in order to understand. It has been especially visible in this piece, where I just found myself lsot amongst all the endless words. In such big structures you need commas to ease it. I wasn't too happy with this one, and I think the two previous pieces were much better. This was too chaotic and too flowery as well. - Frac |
| Elvaroste 2007-03-25 ch 1, | abuseThis is short and sweet. It's descriptive and effective, and carries a whole lot of imagery. You may want to write a story and expand on this description. ( : And thank you for the review, by the way, if you do remember. Cheers! -Elvaroste |
| Sundown 2007-02-27 ch 1, | abuseJ'adore! a very interesting, thoughtful piece...I quite liked it. |
| Lyraphine 2007-02-25 ch 1, | abuseI like the layout of this. And the sentence structures were very well planned. Reading this was a little odd considering there was a colour that kept popping into my mind. A sort of rich carmine/crimson colour. Keep it up. |
| Idiot Pilot 2007-02-25 ch 1, | abuseIt's very metaphorical. J'adore the line about "poetry worthy exploits run rampant, raging under the tired noses of worn out husbands and wives." |