ok. so i'm not a real great critic of writing and such.
but i feel it necessary to tell you that i really really like this story. hm...i'd say the only thing i noticed was that it seemed to move kinda fast, and it jumped from one thing to another really fast. i like how detailed and creative you are with it. i'm a big fan of imagery :]
and, that's all i can think of for now.
if i re-read it and notice anything else i'll let you know.
i was giving sarah advice at the same time i was doing this so it was kinda hard, sorry i took so long.
anyway,
i really really like this one :]