Wonderful story! Update soon!

omg, poor ashra, keep writing, i want to know what happens next.

The poetry is so cute, it's a great prelude to an amazing story.

Dude. I find this totally and completely awesome. I love how its in the point of view of the 'bad' twin, and how he strives to be good for his mom.

I don't know... I just really really like it.

You better update! If you let this one die I'm gonna... ::leaves threat hanging in air::

A nice start to the story. I enjoyed the poem and all the rhyming that started it off and thought it gave a good prelude to what the book was about. The First chapter I thought you started very strongly having Ashra drowning and reflecting on what he had done to get where he was. It was nice to tell how much Ashra's mother cared for him and vice-versa, helps you really feel for him, but then it seems like your story gets a little rushed. You say that the mother was killed by getting shot with something but thats it. A more descriptive account would be good unless you plan on revisiting the moment at a later chapter. Another nitpicky thing is that you said that he heard the survivors say it was Ashra who destroyed the town. I expect they weren't talking to him so maybe clarifying how he heard it (ex. overheard it while he hid in brush, etc). That said I also thought the end of your chapter was pretty cool, really setting up the fact that he is exerting his freedom from the world and going on a quest to find his long lost twin brother. Keep it up.

Kon Savage