PERFECT! well, almost. if i were u i would get rid of the word "slowly" at the end. actually know, it works to contrast the quickness of the previous subject matter. i guess what i am trying to say is, i love rhythem, and this piece has it perfect except for the last part. the last part as just one too many syllables. besides that, the piece gets acroos everything that needs to be said in just a few words, something i have a very hard time doing... i have to write fuckin four pages before i have clearly expressed myself. keep up the good work!

It's really good... and, when reading it, I'm almost in pain, because I know exactly what this feels like.

Amazing emotion comes through this poem.

It's so short yet so powerful. I really really liked this one alot. It's a nice change from your powder puff fluff poems _ Not that I don't like those, it's just nice to see some variation every now and then. This is very cute.