I'm very confused as to what world this is taking place in. You mention college and AP classes, so it must be set in the present. But then you have cerberus and summoning spells, and I am reminded that this is some sort of fantasy. And again, I then see greek mythology, which confounds me further. But I cannot link cerberus and AP classes in the same world. Maybe some description as to what kind of world they live in would be useful.

“'Quit your kissing-up (not that he minded…),' Ephraim replied."
Is an odd sentence because the thought is in the dialogue.

It was a rough transition between the commander shouting and then the boy bursting out of his house. It happened too quickly and I got distracted by that.

The story is quite intriguing, and now I go on to the next chapter!

On the other hand, I have nothing else to do.

White glove and black glove? Is your prince Michael Jackson?

Your explanation of the current king of both Solaria and Lunaria is too confusing. You just put in too many words when you could have easily said it with half as many. "The present king was king by conquest, controlling both Lunaria and Solaria."

"Fans of Tranquility? Wind Bolt?" This is starting to sound like a bad anime. It just sounds corny to a degree that it is automatically unbelievable. Any story, regardless of genre, needs to be both realistic (in context of what is happening) and most of all, believable.

Again, there isn't really anything to make me want to continue reading. There are three chapters that succeed this one, and I have no reason to read them. I don't care enough about the characters to want to know what happens to them, nor are their actions exciting enough for me to be stimulated by them. In short, there is nothing that makes me want to read more. Sorry for repeating myself several times.

Shadowhound

Nice start, though it is a bit confusing. It doesn't really do much to hook me in and make me want to continue reading.

Shadowhound

And again, as i said, you should try first POV... with a little work it could be really, really, good. But otherwise, it's awesome and update soon (though i kinda know the outcome already cuz i've read it) and don't bother thanking me... you're one of my good friends. this is just something back for that friendship eh?

TAD

I still think that you should try putting this in a 1st POV sometime. I think the arrogant but powerful nature of Ephraim would be good in that sense, so we, as readers, would see the fears he feels, and whatever else.

TAD

I know, TAD, ^^. Some of my sentences are lacking of grammar, but not a lot of them. Maybe one or two that maybe missed my eyes, (which is still pretty bad), but yes, I shall correct them when I can.

Thank you for your review, it is most appreciated ^^.

just to be picky, your grammar isn't always correct.

“So if my calculations are correct, the spirit here is the one we’ve been searching for.” He said as with an air of superiority.

like right there, it should be “So if my calculations are correct, the spirit here is the one we’ve been searching for,” he said as with an air of superiority.

that's just to be picky. When i started writing i did that as well, and i had to go back and change all of my stories when i realized my mistake... it took a while to do, but now it's all perfect, in that sense, not so in the rest of the ways.

-big eyes- you still have the sarcastic comments everywhere. i still will stick by my belief that those are best if you are using a narrative in first person, otherwise it's not a good choice.

TAD

I like this rewriting better than the last. The prolouge was a good opening, getting your attention fast. Sometimes, though, your sentences lack some detail that would make the sentences more... what's the word i'm looking for, i really don't know, complex and appealing to the mind? when writing this kind of story, try to paint a picture of what you are describing in the reader's mind Nimit. It will help ^^.

TAD

if i recall correctly, i'm sure i've read this before (i have, i just checked my edit ^^) but it's still good. I like the use of the destruction of Atlantis, for hardly anyone uses it anymore.

TAD