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| Shattered Figment 2007-03-17 ch 1,  | abuseWhen did you write this? |
| Nemonus 2007-03-05 ch 1, | abuseI like the last line. Also, the imagery of the ricocheting ripples that turn out to be in the narrator's heart is very nicely done. This poem is vague, and because it is what it is, a 'life' poem, I will not chastize that, only bring it to your notice. There is a poignant sense of a loss and deep thinking in the latter part. You infuse drama in it well, and sometimes I can see how you need that. The refrences to the dragon are ok--a little out of place, as it brings fantasy in when there is no explanation for whether it (and therefor your screenname) are metaphorical. Sometimes I got to wanting a period. You usually don't have the feeling of a run-on sentence because of the ellipses, but nothing conretes the lines for a while. Good job. |