FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Nemonus 2007-03-05 ch 1,  | abuseVery good. positive comments: The characterization of both the girl and the man is both realistic and fantasic enough to have that taint of bittersweet magic that is indeed attractive. You give just enough description of the world they live in in details that large-scale knowledge is not needed, not for a short story any way. Your prose and grammar are fine. negative comments: Only at one instance, the conversation where she was running after him with the violets, did my mind wonder.I did not understand the last sentence; " All she saw was a small cloud fennel seeds..." I think you're missing a word, but along with that the significance of "fennel seeds" is unknown to me. |