Hm...I believe the possible solution or interpretation of this piece can (and does) stem from a few places to me.

1): It's about Jesus. The religious undertones tends to make me believe that it's about his journey. Also noting the fact that the genre of this said poem is, in fact, religion.

2): BDSM. Okay, I know this probably sounds completely misspoken or wrong, but I couldn't help but notice the constant references to chains, a variety of different flavors throughout the poem, the oh so sexual layers here. Possibly meaning that it could be about a slave awaiting the return of her/his master/mistress. Then again, why is the slave mocking or harassing the master/mistress when he/she returns? Possibly because he/she has committed infidelity, but the slave accepts their unnatural behavior because, after all, one muse BE unnatural to enjoy that art of carnality.

All in all, I'm not sure. However, I would really like to know what the true answer is. If you find the time, I'd really like to know the meaning behind this obscure piece.

I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I really don’t think you should take it down. Writing something different is good and quite brave. It’s a learning experience, even (and perhaps especially) if the attempt fails or doesn’t yield the response you were looking for.

Anyway, I did not interpret this to be some sort of love story. As I read this I saw green— boiling jealousy and vicious envy. I got this sort of spider-and-fly image in my head: an angry spider, jealous of the fly that can get away, promising to devour the fly upon its return. Maybe this is nothing like what you intended, but I think the real beauty of poetry is that a good poem transforms into something different for every reader. This is, admittedly, a bit foggy. But who doesn’t like a poem that could mean multiple things or that challenges the reader?

I have to comment on the last stanza. It’s absolutely brilliant. It’s so dark and harsh and chock full of possible meanings. I loved the line, “choking on the snakes scraping at your tongue.” Brutal. And I love the image of spitting apple seeds at angels, a defiant image that evokes memories of Eden.

Finally, I think the line that prompted the comment about missing words was, “as i lift you up so can fall into the sky,” which could be interpreted to be missing an “I” or “you.” Maybe that line is just as you intended it, but maybe you should alter it a bit if it’s throwing people off. This is an enchanting poem, but it is somewhat muddy. Maybe clearing the water of a few pieces of flotsam and jetsam would garner the interpretations and reactions you were going for.

-- marie

this is a bit different than what i've come to expect of you. really- i can't interpret much of it as may you have intended- i kind of just soak up in the beauty of it. love the last stanza the most, and of course the opening line.

I have read only one of your poems other than this, and I prefer this one. That is why the note at the bottom surprised me. This poem is full of beautiful imagery, and it still lingers in my mind. It makes me feel like I'm going to stop breathing any moment. I think this poem is utterly captivating.


And I did not think of lovers at all. If I had to think of a relationship within the poem, I'd think mother and son. But maybe that's because of the Bethlehem reference.

i thought the ending was powerful. it left me with a image that's hard to forget. i must say, i was quite sick of the word chains by the end, but if you must make your point. overall, i think this is very very fascinating.

It's actually not as bad as that other reviewer said it was. (Don't worry, x.x.suicide gave me a crappy review as well.)Anyway, there are some words missing, but the imagery is actually quite nice. It's pretty good. And thanks for the review!:)

if you're going to write about something so serious, then at least have it make sense; don't make it about a love story just because you can't think of any other direction for the poem to take. It's called originality. You should look it up.