Reviews for Awfully Square for a Vampire

Reviews For: Awfully Square for a Vampire - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Casey Drake 2008-06-27 ch 16,	abuse-applause- awesome to the nth degree. -sigh- I wish I could write as you do. I've loved this world. I love the people of it as if they were people of our world. I recently saw a man that looked so like Nat I was hard put to keep from laughing aloud. You can bet that when I see these on shelves, I will get each and every one of them, and reread them until I can recite my favorite lines from memory. Over and out, :D CD
Casey Drake 2008-06-26 ch 15,	abuseGYEE!! -applause!!- Very vivid, but also very cute at beginning and end. I enjoyed this... not only for the cute but because I really wanted to see Ikh get his own back. But that's just me. -thumbsup- awesome. :) CD
Casey Drake 2008-05-29 ch 14,	abuse...Oh no. OH NO!! OH NO OH NO OH NO!! SWEET awesome lovely cliffhanger I will be angry for it later but you have SUCH good timing for these sorts of things that I CAN'T be angry for it! :D CD
Casey Drake 2008-05-26 ch 13,	abuseThey're so cute... I love them both. And Krith... I'd forgotten how much I loved him too. Even though he can be a lovable -jerk-, like in this chapter. :D CD
Casey Drake 2008-05-22 ch 12,	abuse-grins- Of course, now that I've voted, I find myself liking Rivki more and more. But I also like Jai Narai and he hasn't really had a story to himself, has he? -checks- Oh yes, "Mr. Narai". But I'd really like to know more about him. But back to the story. I enjoy this. You've really thought out everything, including laws and little idiosyncrasies of a culture with both humans and Magics. And I love that musical. :) CD
Casey Drake 2008-05-20 ch 11,	abuseCliffhanger but awesome awesome awesome. -snerk- I can so see Terry Pratchett as a Black Ribboner. :) CD
Casey Drake 2008-05-20 ch 10,	abuseYAY! I've been trying to review this for a full 24 hours now! This is good. While I'm saddened by the decline of some characters, and somewhat surprised by Ferdinand's proposal... granted that he married Selene for all time, right? I seem to remember something of the sort. In any case, I'm happy for him. But now I want to give Val hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. :) CD
La. 2008-04-29 ch 10, anon.	abuseWow. Awesomely depicted court proceedings. I would rejoice in Ikh's incarceration, but, unfortunately, I strongly believe he will escape. (Wow; I just realized how many "big words" I used. I promise, I was not trying to be pretentious. Cringes.) I was excited to see the update! Personally, I don't see why you don't get more reviews and favorites; your stories are awesome. Thanks for sharing them with us!
La. 2008-04-20 ch 9, anon.	abuseWow. You always write amazingly. You hit at emotions and all sorts of complications of reality (such as dementia coming with age, the effects of abuse, etc.) so well. I'm almost awed into speechlessness. I love your stories, as always. Also, since I don't have a FictionPress account, I shall have to vote here: Nathan Silver is my favorite character out of many wonderful options, and I don't really see any of your couples breaking up; but if I did, it would (oddly) have to be the ever-faithful Ferdinand and his new intended, Sally. Good luck writing!
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 9,	abuseThe part about the drink with the tea leaves and his thoughts was confusing because you never explained what the drink actually was, thus making it completely unneccessary and confusing. "the pencil against his year." - That must be difficult to manage. I like the conflicted emotions in the characters and I wish you'd draw them out more in explanation. Also, Dr is done twice at the beginning of the chapter. I wish you showed more of Val and Rivki's interactions. -Jesse Attack of the review marathon! (link in my profile)
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 8,	abuse"but he really trusts people who are" People who are... WHAT!? friends? gah cliffhanger!! :P Again with the abrupt ending!! It's just... random. All your endings are random. The dialogue is again slightly confusing. I really like Rivki's character, have I mentioned that? Well, it's true. I very much do. Taran - ATTACK OF THE NEW CHARACTER... o.o How many can there be... So... seeing as though most people are not homosexual, you have an oddly high number of them in this story. Without going back and counting through all the characters I couldn't keep track... there are at least 4 so far, and that's an unusually high number. What is it like 1 in 9 people are actually homosexual? There are 4 here, so that means that... 36 characters in your story should be hetero for it to be slightly normal. Granted, they're all vampires and stuff so it's not exactly NORMAL, but you're trying very hard to make them seem like normal people, so why the extraordinary high number of homosexuals? Just wondering. It seems kind of tacky, like you're trying to make the story more edgy or something. Your story can be incredibly awesome without trying to give it an edge. :P But like with Nat, it enhances his personality and gives him a lot of depth and roudness to his character. With the two boys in the locker room it sounded like you were just trying to give it an edge because there really was no purpose for it. It's as if you were saying "Let's throw in some gay sex - it'll give my story more appeal!" Your story already HAS appeal, there's no need for cheap tricks like that. And on a minor note, why do you only have homosexual men and no homosexual women in your story? Random thought, since there's an unusual number of homosexuals in it, you'd think that you'd try to make it more rounded out, if you were trying to include everybody. (Please note I'm not trying to offend you or tell you that you shouldn't have any, I'm just saying that it comes off as trying to be edgy. I really like it in Nat's character, like I said, and this random new person... Taran.. it's kind of interesting in him, too... but like with the lacrosse boys, it doesn't have a real big point except for shock and edginess) -Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 7,	abuse"would stop whinging about your great big melancholy life" Extra g in whining! Also... It had been you, Sally, Dianne, or Selene getting hurt ... there is an If missing, as well as a quotation mark left out in the cold. And this entire chapter has been infected with UNDERLINING of the most outrageous sort... it's impossible to read without frustration... I had to copy it into a word document and change it. You should fix that. This chapter is compelling emotionally... I think that Val gets over her trauma WAY too fast, and I think that you could have done with more description and less dialogue. Show the emotion on people's faces and the way that they move and act. -Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 6,	abuse"It was better than the time I dreamed I had been buried alive, screaming out to Dad that I was trapped in a coffin, only to have him wake me and point out that I’ve never slept in a bed." That made me laugh for at least three entire minutes. The "wahahaha" before it is incredibly juvenile, however. "account off your tender Mormon ears." of, not off? "Eudemons in general not enthused about mowing the lawn" there is a verb missing here - I'm thinking "are" This is incredibly sad. And angering. You are a very good writer - combining humor with deep emotions. -Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 5,	abuseAgain, your ending is so abrupt! This one is not so abrupt as the others... but still! :( The dialogue is confusing because you don't really name who's speaking, but I've said that before. I find their tiny love romance to be absolutely adorable. Hearts! -Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 4,	abuseThis is a cute way of saying it - "He wore... to casket." It's clever. I like how you have vampires and stuff but you aren't playing them up all gothic and cool and stupid like so many ridiculous stories do. :) "Though this would make the dreams more vivid. I said a prayer." Nice. Very, very nice. I also like that he's Mormon and so he's not skanky, another trait of typical vampire stories. Although... seeing as though vampires are usually regarded as being like satan's children or something like that... wouldn't it be weird for him to believe in God and also be a vampire? Wouldn't he have to believe that God was going to send him to hell? Who's Krith? Where did he come from? Again - who on earth is Ferdinand!? Is that his dad? I thought his dad's name was Andy. Very confusing. Very, very confusing. OKay, really? TOO MANY NAMES. Way, WAY too many names. Taylor... Selene... Opal Narai... WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!? Confusing. "The young people are going eat in the basement" A "to" is missing!! Who is Jai? Seriously. Stop with the new people. What is the LDS church? o.O Is that... oh wait, Latter Day Saints. Okay, seriously that's confusing. I thought all of the Jangoral family members were dead. What in the... “I was in a production of ‘Cats’ in Australia eight years ago. Played Skimbleshanks, actually.” - is this not Felix talking? I'm assuming so, because I don't see Nat saying "whatever". Again your ending is weirdly abrupt. And MY GOSH STOP WITH ALL THE NAMES. Now there's all these Felix and Paul and people and just.. gah! -Jesse

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