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| Cookie Jar 2007-05-06 ch 3,   | Um...nineteen means a young girl? HELLO - nineteen is a young woman! I wondered what kind of rough treatment she may have experienced that would cause her to age so prematurely. Read that sentence again and see if you can't change it. It doesn't sound quite right. Abby's quite a friendly person isn't she? She's a young girl, and yet she's very motherly...so odd. But I suppose the rape case (it was drugged rape wasn't it?) explains it. |
| Cookie Jar 2007-05-06 ch 2, | There used to be a time when I thought that getting my hair to curl just right or color-coordinating my outfit were the utmost of my worries. Your average teenage girl, eh? Now days, I consider It should be 'nowadays, I consider...' The descriptions are very well written, very realistic, picturesque... |
| Cookie Jar 2007-05-06 ch 1, | According to the scribbled graffiti on the wall, today marks the one year anniversary since we Don't you think you 'first' anniversary would sound better than 'one year' anniversary? Interesting ideas...you mention the Truth a lot but it's confusing. |
| Luicia and the voices 2007-04-05 ch 3, | The truth? the truth? GYAH! *glares* i cant believe you just left us there...I WILL DEESSTTRROOYY YYOOUU! MUAYHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAA!... but if i did then you couldnt update! :3 please update soon! *glares again* i still cant believe you left us there -.- -.- -.- lol. this is really interesting and i cant wait to read more! WOOT! *hands you a cookie, sammich and...ZIM PLUASHIE!* hahaa! update ASAP!! ~lu |
| Luicia and the voices 2007-03-27 ch 2, | woah... those are shoes?? O.o' nice chapter! I like the cliffy! (in my opinion its a cliffy) ... but it also makes me angry... what happens next! ACK! ~lu |
| hope for rent 2007-03-10 ch 1, | Hmm. I see a lot of familiar concepts (that's not a bad thing, I'm using the 'boarding school for the gifted... again' cliche myself): the refugees living under the city, the 'everything you know is a lie- or at least only part of the truth', the few who DO know the truth and are therefore renegades, the totalitarian regime, and so on. A few things intrigued me, just because I want to see how you make them play out: the marks (Most definitely the marks. Are they zombies? Are they aliens? Are they soldiers? What are they?), the whole 'man vs. society' bit (because I think this story isn't going to be cliche in the least, despite the wealth of not-quite-new ideas)... and who's the main character? That's what I really want to know. Second-person is all fine and dandy, but I want names, details, places, settings (and I do realize this is coming, I just wanted to say it.) Update soon, because I think this is going to get good. chroma-chan |
| Luicia and the voices 2007-03-07 ch 1, | what the hell... i can't believe it.. this is so...so...it's impossible to describe...i just LOVE IT! HAHA!! i LOVE IT! WO! please update soon! i wanna know eho 'they' are and what about the sending a mark to their brothers? does that mean that she is slashing at someone and adding another cut to many? lol i just can't WAIT to see more of this. Maybe if you continue it might develop into an epic fantasy!! PLEASE CONTINUE DAMNIT! ~lu |