|Reviews for Tempting the Tempest|
| Amari 3/12/07 . chapter 3
Well, I really dislike doing this, but as you left it anonymously, I must reply in review.
I never really stay on one specific style of writing, unless I need to. *grin*
'"I wasn't sure what you meant by this:
"Its face lessened" - lessen means to be reduced or decreased. Is that deliberate?'
Yes, its face was contorted of its displeasure with me. It was twisted in emotion, but this lessened as it states I was unintellegent.
*bows* Thank you for the compliment! It makes me want to write more. Now I need to learn to write my ideas down when I get them, lol. Feel free to look at any of my other works. One of them will be included in a chapter later on.
With utmost sincerety,
| Guest 3/12/07 . chapter 2
ok, this is an interesting chapter, although your style of writing seems to have changed since the earlier ones, but I suppose that may be because of the dream-like situation.
I wasn't sure what you meant by this:
"Its face lessened" - lessen means to be reduced or decreased. Is that deliberate?
The funeral scene thing is very well written, and I also like the way you drop hints, such as that the rabbit thing will at some point end up being her friend. It helps to make the reader curious about how that will happen etc.
| feeder 3/11/07 . chapter 1
ok, the 1st chapter is now much better, this section of the story works well as an opening paragraph. But I think it would help if you split it into 2 paragraphs, just to make it easier to read on the screen.
"I discover a new person each time I catch a glimpse of that same puppet in the mirror" that is a great line.
As for the 2nd chapter, I'm just not sure about the first 2 paragraphs, this might be just me, but at the moment I can't see how they relate to the rest of the story - but that might be intentional I guess, maybe it will be made clear later on.
But this has definately improved. Well done.
And by the way, thanks for the review.
| feeder 3/10/07 . chapter 3
Well, I have to say I'm impressed... are you seriously 14 like it says on your profile? If so then your grammar is pretty amazing, and even if you're not, then your grammar is still pretty amazing, especially for FicPress.
Anyway, this is well written and everything - maybe too well written at times, but for me at least, the 1st chapters should introduce an important concept/theme, but as far as I can tell this doesn't. I guess maybe I'd have to read more of the story to tell, but from what I can tell, the plot seems a bit disjointed, and the very short chapters don't help.
Don't get me wrong, as an exercise in eloquent writing this is very good, but as for writing a story that has enough hooks to keep a readers interest, I'm not so sure. I just find it too fragmented, because the chapters seem to almost switch styles at times.
Like I said, it's well written, but I think the plot needs some work. Maybe you could condense these chapters into just 2 or even 1, and then instead of telling us in chapter 3 about HOW the story begins, you could actually begin it.
I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but this definately has potential, I just think it needs some more work. But keep writing it, and I'll keep reviewing it.
| Sophie Ulquiorra Allen 3/7/07 . chapter 1
While I did enjoy your description here, I think it might be a bit too weighty for some more inexperienced readers. (Having read Lovecraft, I am used to this sort of prose) I do like where the story is going, however, and I would like to see it developed further. Keep writing...:)