Reviews for The Most Intelligent Species in the Universe

Reviews For: The Most Intelligent Species in the Universe

Whit5000 2007-06-07 ch 5,	abuseWow. this chap was real short. i saw a few errors. At first a little confused by what his friend was grumbling about, Lee soon picked up on "T.K." disgust. T.K's disgust. “For having such a negative attitude!” she answered. “That’s why'?'” period instead a a question mark. lol, i liked how you tried ta put in humor even though this is spose ta be scary. Like the part where Lee was tellin T.K. what would happen if they got caught and kept goin on and on til T.K. told him ta shut up. this part was also funny. Fiore: I said that I was hiding! It’s a pretty common thing to do when humanoid shish-kabobs are chasing you around! T.K. and Lee: You too, huh? It's a deadly game a hide n seek... next chap should be good... i'm also wonderin if anyone else got caught yet.
Dragonn 2007-06-02 ch 1,	abuseBefore I read this story, I'll point out that your categorizing could be a problem. I just read the summary, and it talks about aliens, but it's in Action and Fantasy. People who go into the fantasy section aren't going to want to read about Aliens. This would belong in the SciFi area. They're all thin lines, but if you look into each one, SciFi is mostly Aliens, Supernatural is mostly Vampires and Werewolves, and Fantasy is wizards and witches with magic and dragons. - Reading your story, you could find a better way to draw in readers. Throw them into the action right away, or you're going to lose them in the first few lines. On the same note, try avoiding long sentences early on. It confuses your readers. You could possibly start off with the dialogue and explain the situation more. Also, try not to reveal the obvious. We know a streetlight will shine, so just say that it reveals the two lurkers. You don't need to overkill the detail. My best advice to you is to lead a reader in with something that strikes the reader as off, making them want to know what's going on. Start off with the dialogue, "This isn't a good idea" and then go into describing what's going on. But, maybe I'm just a picky reader... I hope you at least take some of this to heart. Sorry if I'm uber harsh on ya!
SuperTD 2007-05-31 ch 4,	abuseAliens! Ha Ha Alyson! You were wrong! Sticks tongue out at the computer What's Lee bumped into? An Alien? Or One of his friends? Nice chapter.
Whit5000 2007-05-31 ch 4,	abusesaw two errors. “I’m not staying in here by myself!” Lee shouted at her angrily. “If you guys are leaving, then fine, I guess I’ll __ too!” This actually don't sound like a error cuz he sayin I guess I will too. but addin in the word 'go' would make it sound betta i thought. "Jumping to his feet with a 'started' cry, Lee shouted over the sirens" startled. I got nothin ta say to this chapter... it was just weird and i was a lil distracted when i was readin this. lol. them things is creepy... damn, i woulda been screamin if i saw them things chasin afta me. I be long gone.
Whit5000 2007-04-28 ch 3,	abuseAnotha good chap. So, now everyone's gone. lol, you spose ta walk away from the light, not go towards it. I think things is gon get real interestin in the next chap, but I think the kids just made a big mistake...
SuperTD 2007-04-26 ch 3,	abuseSo there all in there now. I thought the "So lost in her thoughts "was she" that Diana didn't notice the two young adults who approached her and stood in front of her" was on purpose. At the end where they all just walk straight in to the light without knowing if they'll die or not, seems slightly unrealistic. But apart from that it was great!
Whit5000 2007-04-08 ch 2,	abuselol, I like how it ended like the first ch. So mysterious... that beam couldn't a killed them. (The main character can't die, at least not so fast.) I'm thinkin it transported 'em somewhere. Damn it, it has ta be aliens doin this. typos I think: "So lost in her thoughts 'was she' that Diana didn’t even notice the two young adults who approached her and stood in front of her." i dunno if that's wrong or not. was it spose ta be she was? "Alyson pushed herself off Mitchell and peered into the 'whole'." hole.
SuperTD 2007-04-05 ch 2,	abuseNice work, I like the ending!
Whit5000 2007-03-14 ch 1,	abusehmm... wow. good beginnin... what happened to ya writin style? it... changed. lol, from what the title says, I think aliens might show up in the next ch or somethin... i dunno.
SuperTD 2007-03-12 ch 1,	abuseNice start to a story. What happened to Krono? Please update soon!

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