I like this, hate to say it but it sounds a bit Silent Hillish(waking up in an alternate place.) It flowed well, and I will definatly keep an eye on this.
But, your speech annoyed me. Try just simply turning it round, just to give the reader a bit of variety. Eg;
"So are you interested in buying this house?" The salesman said looking at the mother.

The salesman said looking at the mother."So are you interested in buying this house?"

i like this so far. Great idea. Can't wait for more.