this was beyond amazing!
i could picture teh atmosphere you have created.
it was deep, and powerful.
i loved it,
:)

This poem has a dark lyrical quality about it which I really like. Adding you to my favs.

:)

Sakina x

I can't believe you're leaving Fictionpress! (and I can't believe it took -this- long for me to review your poem.)

I'm going to miss seeing your writings up here, but I'm sure you have your reasons. ^_^

~Much love,
Bleached Roses
(the new account for Ashes.to.Acid)

I love the feeling of humidity I get from this. Everything is hot & sticky & wet & heavy. It's great. The third stanza is probably my favorite, simply because there are some images to grab onto. Nice work. Keep writing! :)

i think you referenced a lot of lyrics, but i don't know exactly where i get that from. not that that's a bad thing anyways. & it could be just in my head. i still adore how you allow your lines to take shape as they will. you end up with ridiculously long lines, but it all works in context. sorry. i keep trying to find a story in this but i don't think it's so much a story as just - a situation. it's pretty. jumbled-pretty. i was trying to figure out why some bits are capitalized & some aren't but then i gave up. i like the last stanza. & i like the order (if there is order) that i see in this. like a rhythm buried beneath the words. maybe the setting is a little surreal for me, though.

-kait