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| London Blaise 2007-04-03 ch 1,  | abuseYou have talent, that much is certain. And it was nice to see a departure from your usual poetry - it shows off your artistic range. However, you write with a certain vagueness that leaves the reader craving for more depth, a craving that is not ultimately satisfied. Have you ever considered a longer work of fiction, one that would give you more time to develop your characters, set your stage, and tell an extended story? Just a thought. As for this piece, it is broodingly entertaining, and paced nicely; my only complaint is that some of the text rang a little cliché. Overall, though, a fairly solid work of fiction. Thanks for the read, and keep working on your craft! |
| Stella-Polaris 2007-03-30 ch 1, | abuseV. God =] Unfortunately this IS probably the way the world ends... I drew a picture of Falling Sakura for you. I might be turning just that slightest bit emo... :) |
| Me again 2007-03-25 ch 1, anon. | abuseFirst things first. I liked the whole language of the story - very atmospheric and gloomy. It's nicely well-paced, too, with a good introduction and a good ending. There's only one problem that I found. It doesn't really grip one as a reader; there's nothing compelling one to read on. I like the way you made the plot vague and unclear, focusing on emotion rather than storyline, but in a way it makes it irritating for the reader because one can never really understand what it's all about. Maybe it's just me being lazy and not bothering to read through it again, but I just find it a little... disorganised. I'm getting all these jumbled emotions and little parts of the plot all at once, and it's rather hard to follow. That may be the effect you were intending to create, I don't know, but it's a little irritating when you reach the end and you don't quite know what to think. I would suggest making it longer and more structured - something still deep and meaningful, but something that makes the reader want to think rather than forcing them to. I know you probably want to strangle me right now for all this criticism, but ah, well. Vive a la critique. |
| beca 2007-03-13 ch 1, anon. | abuseAmazing. Seriously, amazing. Again, made me cry a bit ;-; So emotional. "For an eternity, the snow fell red." - I love it. It sounds fantastic o: Keep it up ;D you're going to be SO famous. |
| kes 2007-03-12 ch 1, anon. | abusevery intersting,and suspenseful |
| Anon 2007-03-11 ch 1, anon. | abuseI really can not find much to criticise here. This piece is beautiful. The alternate reality and hints at oppression were excellent, as was the suspense building up to the gunshot and the hints that she might be pregnant. Love where one is not allowed to love. Excellent. |
| Wolf's Night 2007-03-11 ch 1, | abuseReally good. I have chills running up my arms reading it. It's good that you don't tell the relationship between the man who pulled the trigger and woman, it allows readers to enter in their own creativity (though I am curious about who they were to each other :P) anywho great job! |