I love the conversations and Ray's voice and I can't wait to see where the plot is going... but maybe try being a little more detailed with things? I feel like it's a bit rushed at times. Just something to consider.

nice cliffhanger

Well, it's interesting so far. I mean, sure, the plot sounds like a bad episode of 24, but i have faith that you can pull it off. I have a few quibbles, and even if you didn't ask for them, tough cookies. My main quibble is with character: Ray sounds fun and sarcastic and smart - but why does he do it? Why is he going to (or why does he?) put his life on the line for the government? Being a smart and wealthy bastard isn't enough of a motive - I'm gonna stop reading the story if those are his reasons. Be creative. Delve into his character - Ray doesn't need to be so flat. Take the time to experiment with his ethos - I think an author with your talent is up the challenge.

I liked your "the end". I must say, good story :)
o, so they have to learn the language now. Interesting. What kind of language is it based on? are we going to get to see them learning it?

yo :)
keep a writing, mi amigo
~Nezumi-chan