Reviews for Prodigy - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Prodigy

Esther Jade 2008-01-11 ch 1,	abuseSome interesting twists on, what I would say, is a pretty typical scene. I didn't think there were enough, though. I was left with pretty mixed feelings about the protagonist. Why does she want to find someone to best her? Why is beating up arrogant people important - does she feel insecure? I thought she sounded a bit sadistic. In terms of your writing style, I liked it overall. Some sentences, though, I thought were too long. Examples: "The seconds passed in silence, and she could feel her disdain losing ground to familiar disappointment, but rather than giving way to encroaching despair, Pax welcomed the warmth of anger." "But whatever little pleasure she gained from it was fleeting, and it never made up for the hopelessness inspired by the fear on every face that saw what she could do; that unconscious flinch whenever she frowned or made a sudden gesture with her hands." It may just be a personal preference but those feel too long for me. I know it's petty but I have "who/whom" issues. Who is for a subject. Whom is for an object. So, "who she was" should be "whom she was". I know it's trivial but my eye always picks it up. Overall, I think the ideas in here have potential and could be meaningfully built upon. I'd be careful of creating a caricature, though - you would need a lot of character development to avoid this, I think.
L3G3nD 2007-10-10 ch 1,	abuseWell, I had read 3 of your one-off stories, and there are something which comes to my attention. Some of your sentences (I think about 1-3 in each of your short stories) are sort off, overloaded. I mean the sentence itself become too heavy while I am reading, and it becomes less natural and the flow is disturbed. Nonetheless, I am not too good myself though, lol. The story is filled with so many emotions; it turns out to be great and imaginative. Keep the work up!
For What Its Worth 2007-09-15 ch 1,	abuseThis does not seem the typical one-shot. It seems an opening chapter for a very interesting story. There are no bumps to mar the smooth flow of the story, and the characters are very nice. In fact, now that I have read this chapter, its nature as a one-shot will be disturbing me. Are you certain you do not wish to continue it? I am sure I am not the only one that would love to see it extended.
Tiger-Sparks 2007-09-12 ch 1,	abuseThis is very good. I'm not so good at giving reviews. um...I never know what to say. This is very good though, it grips you and makes you want to read more. I look forward to the next chapter. KeL xx
Fractured Illusion 2007-08-18 ch 1,	abuse"But the smile slid from her face as the magician edged away from her, sliding backwards" slid, sliding. Unnecessary repetition. Think of a synonym (unless the two words harbor different meanings, but I'm too stupid to know if that is correct) "She wished it were true" This one I am unsure about, but shouldn't it be "was"? Again, sorry if I am mistaken. Anyhow; I really like this! I thought she would find someone better than her, but no, you chose the sadder ending instead (which is way good). Pax is really likable and your descriptions paint the scene easily. The ending was both to my liking and yet not. I'll explain the latter; I felt as if something was missing (not a mention of something happy happy) but rather, some sort of development on her mindset or something. I guess I just wanted more. Writing, dialog, the behavior of the characters, I liked it all, so don't get me wrong. Keep up the great work! :D (and yay, a female that can kick ** ^^;) - Fractured Illusion
NeitherUpNorDown 2007-08-08 ch 1,	abuseWow. I found it very gripping. Your use of language is amazing and I love the storyline of it. I can see this going very far. Continue it, I'll be watching for anymore of this..
Ariel of Wonderland 2007-05-19 ch 1,	abuseOneshot?! What do you mean one shot?!?!?!?!?!?! NO! Artfully done. I seriously hope you choose to continue this.
Luicia 2007-03-27 ch 1, anon.	abuse(is too lazy to log in) yay! this is cool. you can really imagin Pax say everything and i think you characterized her very well. this looks like (if you continue) it could be a VERY good story... all you have to do is continue! continue please! ~lu
ecwix 2007-03-11 ch 1,	abuseit wasn’t this poor fool’s fault that she continuously insisted on setting herself up for disappointed. Do you mean "disappointment?" I like the intense play of emotions that goes on. A nice short story :).

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