Reviews for The Life Of A Talent Agent

Mel-Dog Moody
2007-03-14
ch 1,

abuseI like the idea of your story.

You're story has a good premise, but its lacking in detail. I've always been told that in a story its more effective to show not tell. It engages the reader.

For instance show how Don is outspoken. Show what his friends and clients are like. The best way is through dialouge and the actions of the characters.

Another thing is to tell your story in scenes because it gives the reader an idea of what the story and the characters are like.

Before I started writing my stories I did a Google search to find some writing tips. I found this site really useful.

Cheers,
Melissa

P.S. Thank you for reading my stories. Its nice to know that someone likes your work.

sin olvido
2007-03-13
ch 1,

abuse"This story is about a agent who is one of a kind and a little outspoken."
First of all, that should be "an agent." Also, sure, you've told us about Don Mantia's job, family, personality in just one sentence, but what is the actual *plot*? Characters may be interesting enough by themselves to spur on a plot, but Don can't do that, at least not yet.

You really need details here -- this is lacking so much and producing so little. What makes Don a great man? What are his quirks, habits, flaws? I highly suggest an exercise I've done to develop characters; find a time and place during which you'll be alone and undistracted, then imagine your character with you. Talk to him about anything, everything. Let him respond. Don't personally fabricate his answers; let him take over. Take imaginary!Don on a walk with you. Draw him. Write his diary.

Whatever you do, add depth and get into what you're doing. And, of course, have fun, and learn something to propel you forward with your writing.

Now, for the prose: again, lacking, depressingly lacking. This could be a great story with a great plot and vivid characters. Sadly, you haven't any details. What is going on in the background when Brian comes to the door? Is Samantha putting on excessive loads of makeup and designer clothes, which might later hint at her vanity and penchant for spending more money than Don earns? (Which, if is the case, brings about some more of a plot: marital issues.) What do the characters speak like? Softly? Rudely? Loudly? What does the scene look like? Where in the house are Sam and Don? What are the characters feeling?

You have something good going, if you try harder. Good luck, and keep going with this!

~Cristina

PS: I recommend getting a book called "Finding Your Writer's Voice" by Thaisa Frank and Dorothy Wall. It's extremely helpful.

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