Reviews for The End Of Days - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The End Of Days

felicia13 2007-03-31 ch 1,	abuseOk, before I even read this, I have to tell you that you desperately need paragraphs. Don't be afraid of paragraphs. They add to the text and break it all up so that it's not as daunting to read. And it looks nicer. So do it. "O-zone layer" Ozone is actually spelt without the hyphen. "earths gravity" Should be "earth's gravity" It belongs to the earth. "this planet was slim." They 'were slim.' Heh ... oddly convieient that there were any female survivors, yeah? ^^ It's a good start. You've got a hook, Bob. What are you going to do with it? Make the hook last through the first few chapters because ... well, people don't stop reading at chapter 23, but they might at chapter 2 if it's not interetsing enough. Good luck. Are you going to finish any of your other stories? Felicia.
Linda 2007-03-18 ch 1, anon.	abuseVery good, interesting, keep it going. Looking forward to the next chapter.
WyrdWolf 2007-03-15 ch 1,	abuseHm. Like I said before, very cool premise and definitely an interesting story. Still, your facts are jumbled. You just lay them down, one after the other, which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for that giant paragraph format. Did you type it all like that or not? I forgot. If so, definitely don't do that. That's just a giant information dump and a bit much for the reader to handle. Not much to comment on other than that. Hope to see more of this, though. Wolfie
IXTwilightWolfXI 2007-03-15 ch 1,	abuseIt's a good idea for a story, but to me it seems a little...sketchy? Kind of like a diamond. It's beautiful on a side and when it's reflected in the light, but when you turn it there's another side just like it. I guess what I'm trying to say is to let it flow. It's like you're jumping from one thing to the next, but it's a great idea I'd like to see this get big. -The Real Twilight Wolf

Return to Top