|Reviews for 513|
| Twilight Starr 11/3/07 . chapter 2
The couple is so lovey dovey.
| Twilight Starr 11/3/07 . chapter 1
Good start. Whenever a different person speaks you want to create a new paragraph otherwise everything gets jumbled around and it's incredibly hard to tell who is talking.
| 1406613 5/22/07 . chapter 2
Nice job, you really cleaned up with this chapter. The last one was pretty confusing. Keep up the good work D
| hikaruslight 4/18/07 . chapter 2
better, i can tell when someone else starts saying something. but the style changed from the last chapter. it's not a bad thing, but i don't think script format really works with the type of story. just my opinion, and it is only the second chapter, so it could work either way, depending on how you handle it.
| amythestpony 4/18/07 . chapter 2
update soon! it's getting so intense! and all you have to do when doing an a/n is type up a/n at the end of your word document so it will be updated along with your story. But try putting them at the beginning or end of chapters. People who put them in the middle spoil the scene. u roc, keep on writing!
| tangledwebweweave 3/15/07 . chapter 1
Hey! I hope you guys liked it, this is my first time doing this, sorry it is a little short, but I like where I cut it off. I enjoyed writing it. I was playing around with the names a little, so I screwed up two of them...hopefully you didn't see them! The parenthesis around "unwraps a twinkie", "leans in to try to kiss Amy", "glances at Frankie", and "Off the side, Daniel gazes lovingly at the couple, focusing on Amy…and then sighs".
I am probably going to do Chapter 2 this weekend. Peace to the world
| Gabster90 3/15/07 . chapter 1
Oh yay! Your story! Good one!
| amythestpony 3/14/07 . chapter 1
Hey, I love it! THis is amina, by the way. Make it longer next time and update quickly please! luv ya
tootles w/ noodles,
| hikaruslight 3/14/07 . chapter 1
Hey. Looks good so far but it's kinda hard to tell who's saying what. And technically you should start a new paragraph everytime someone else says something. It got kind of confusing with different people saying things one right after the other. And another thing, there's a lot of dialouge but not much saying what the characters are doing or how they're saying these things. Once again, good start and I can't wait to read the rest. Talk to you later!