I like your opening. It’s very evocative and a little bit epic. It’s good that we find out a bit more about in the next paragraph as well. I like the voice of the king as well – he seems very...sensible.

The bit about Arkans and Witches both bleeding red seems important for some reason. Do you mind me asking where the name Arkan came from, or how you came up with it?

I like Reed as well, he is cynical and opinionated, and seems like a very strong character, even though he doesn't seem as fiesty as Anzi.

One thing I would say is that the first chapter seemed very long. I did find myself struggling a bit towards the end. I am interested to know how Anzi has no idea who she is, and yet Celt and Celistina work it out quite quickly.

I like the situation you have set up between the Arkans and the witches though. I would like to find out more about the witches and what is going to happen next.

Wow, that was a long chapter. I'm not complaining or anything, it just took me an hour or so to read. I'm a bit of a slow reader anyway.

I'm still processing what just happened, so forgive me if I am a little incoherent.

Ach dein Gott! A murder plot? I did not see that coming, and there is nothing like a little slaughter to get the blood flowing.

Its been a while, so let me ask you something...was it Cain that killded the heir of Escaline? I drew a blank on that one.

I'm sorry, this probably wasn't a very good review. I'll try better next chapter.

Interesting... I like Cain and the last bit was definitly confusing. Cliffhanger!

There were a lot of typos in this one, I can't remember them all. But in the kidnapping scene, Anzi 'lunged' against the man, not 'lounged' against him, and he was going to 'touch' her, not 'tough' her.

I liked Reed's comment about having all the people following them around after Anzi tried to rescue them. So true, not neccesarily a bad thing.

Keep writing,

-Freaky

Aww. Poor Cain. That WAS Cain-the-witch who got hit, wasn't it? This is probably going to turn out interesting... especially if you let the two groups meet.

I'm sad about Ophi, she was brilliant but I loved the way she died. It was poetic and very inspirational for the characters. The grove was especially nice, and I hope someday the villagers figure out what's really protecting them. It might give them a different take on witches.

Overall a brilliant chapter, looking forward to another one soon!

Keep writing,

-Freaky

YEAH!

Thanks for keeping up with my story, even though I had fallen behind on yours. Now, back to what I was saying...

YEAH! YOU DIDN'T END IT!

And goddammit, this chapter was worth the waiting and the suspense for. I know that makes no sense, sorry.

The best part of your story is, in my humble opinion, the characters. They just seem real to life, except for their unrealistic qualities, if that even makes sense. As far as I can see, your grammar is impeccable.

Please hurry with the next chapter, man!

Interesting with the names. I always like to know where writers get their names from. What religon is Hecate in?

Anzi's reactions to the violence of this chapter were brilliantly played out. She's in over her head, and trying to retain her past life.

Two grammar errors: heel instead of hell when Reed and Anzi were fighting (although I'm still not sure a boy raised in a monestary would say hell), and all instead of call when Hecata was talking about Anzi's name.

I loved Hecata and Ophi, by the way. They're great characters, really easy to sympathize with.

Keep writing,

-Freaky

Aww. That was a nice way to end a chapter. Reed's really awesome. I can tell that he cares about Anzina a lot. Fritz is pretty cool, too, but Reed's much cooler.

I keep feeling like I'm using his last name when I call him Reed. I've heard of it used as a first name before, but it still feels more natural for it to be a last name. Weird. Oh, well. I'll get over it.

After this chapter, I found myself sympathizing with Christain a lot more. He's a bad guy, sure, but not really... bad, if you know what I'm saying. A likeable villain, I guess.

Since you left us in suspense about Reed's injuries, you must update quickly! I'm putting this on alert.

Keep writing,

-Freaky

Yikes! Reed seems like he's in a lot of trouble. Hope we get to hear his story soon. I always said he was one of my favorites...

I told you I'd be back! Took me a while, but I'm back.

Anyway, two things I must say about this chapter. First, when you describe the book, you mention fkae jewels. Did you mean fake? Fkae is a cool word, I just don't think it's actually, well, a word.

And second, this line right here is amazing. “That’s the wonderful thing-I don’t know. I have no idea what will happen.” Really great. I don't know why I like it so much, but I guess it describes why life's so exciting perfectly. Nice.

Keep writing,

-Freaky

Nasty. The right amounts of political intrigue and fun. Gotta hate the nasty character, so good work on that.
Hm, what needs improving? Well from a plot perspective it would have worked better if you'd ended the chapter with the ordering of the troops, but that is insignificant in the large scheme of things. Nothing's wrong with the characters and the plot is going well so I don't really have much to go with. ::))

Oh my god! This isn't the end is it? If it is, then I guess it was a better ending than some I've read recently, but damn!

I like how you kind of show what your characters are thinking, without putting it in actual thought dialogue. It gives a much more personal feeling with the characters than can be afforded by regular narration in a 3rd person piece.

Something just seemed extremely out of place, though. In chapter one, Anzi says "My God" over the bracelet, in the middle of a monastery of all places. Or would this be considered a nunnery?

Oh wait, it was Edy(I thought she was a guy at first) that said it. The dialogue just confused me a little bit.

I will definitely keep up with this if you choose to continue it.

Nice. I keep meaning to save the rest of this story until tomorrow so I'll have something to read before I get to the library, but I just can't. It's addictive, I can't help it.

Anyway, I saw a few errors in this chapter. It should have taken a 'total' of three hours, not a 'totally,' and they should 'make do,' not 'make due.' Other than that, nothing I noticed, but you might want to watch that a little.

Great job, and I liked all the comments on Pieter's stupidity. It was funny.

Keep writing,

-Freaky

Nice. I've just read the first chapter and I'll probably be reading this pretty slowly, but I like it so far. Reed and Anzi are great characters, and I loved the Mother Superior. Heehee... 'Road'. That's kind of sad.

A few things seemed a little out of place for what I assume is the setting. They're in a monestary, right? I doubt, having been raised there, Edy would say "My God" about something like a bracelet. There was one other point when the dialogue seemed out-of-place, but I can't remember it.

Other than that, it's really good. Your characters are very believable, and I like the plot. I hope I can get to reading the rest soon.

Keep writing,

-Freaky

From RisanF's Review Shack

Style: A classic, lyrical style, like a children's fantasy novel. The way the unremarkable king converses with the reader does a lot to set the tone for your story. The dialogue has a bit of the stilted quality that's common in fantasy works, but I would say that you should make both sure it's consistent and that you don't overdo it. All in all, it's not a story you can speed-read through, but it serves well.

Plot: Though the witches and Arkans get along today, this story tell of the time just before the social reform. The future king and his sister confront a girl that had just come of age, revealing that she is a witch princess.

Characters: Anzina has so far she has steered clear of the abrasive qualities that plague other willful characters. However, sometimes it seems the prose is slightly biased in her favor (always describing her as strong-willed, while describing other character's faults critically), and if you're not careful, your heroine could look a bit arrogant and self-righteous. Reed seems to be a bit of a gruff, cynical downer, though it can't be said that he's a bad person because of it. He is a progressive thinker in regard to the conflict between the witches and Arkans, and is not so easily fooled by a biased media.

Celt seems to carry himself well for being royalty, a charming prince on the outside and inside. His sister is a bit more judgmental, but there's not enough information yet so show whether she'll become a villain later on.

Grammar: As I see it, very good.

Suggestions:

-You refer to the male witches as witches, but I'm not sure if there's such a thing as a male witch. Shouldn't a male witch be called a warlock?

-You switch viewpoints from Anzi to the royal siblings without notice. You might want to make a section break when you start describing things from the viewpoint of Celt and Celestia.

Other:

-The name Edy seems similar to the masculine name 'Eddy." It takes a second to realize she's a girl.

-Does Reed have a crush on Anzi? He seems very willing to go the extras mile for her, but does not at all like being called "brother." unless he's just a sticker on the definition of "brother")

Overall Impressions: Very good stuff overall. It's always nice to read strong work.

This is good, Six. It has depth and passion - which is cool, and from the start it seems to be well thought out and executed.
I especially like the beginning with the no-name king (I’m guessing it’s Reed) reminiscing about his past.
Girly-girl reminds me though of Maria from the sound of music. Chirpy and excitable.
Celestia I think is a bit evil in what you’ve shown us of her, manipulating her brother. It’s a nice touch that the mysterious cloak is made by Reed-y.
As you can tell I’m a plot and character reviewer and in so far it seems that you have handled both with skill and poise.
I especially like the touch of the reoccurring line: you know the blood witch one.
Anyway. :: )) good work. (hit Psycho would you.)
See you at chap 2.

Very intriguing beginning, fellow author. I didn't get to read it all but it intrigues me and I'll definately either print it out and read it or come back. A clever mixture of Wicca history, Christianity, and fantasy. Like you left an encouraging review for me I'll do the same for you. Good luck in every story you write.Be patient,when I first started to write all of my original stuff was locked in my head too.It takes awhile to be able to write what you see in your head and transfer onto the paper or screen.