m i like this one...especially my backside is caving, my morlas are leaving. nice work!

i can see the inspiration from the song. it's really beautiful, i must say. the imagery especially. wonderful rhythm too, it flows almost magically.

Beautiful, with great imagery and well-placed rhyme. "The afternoon haze hangs red/cigarette lit sun" Very nice. You'd gone such a long time without updating before, I thought you'd left!

the rhythm of this is just so entrancing and the flow is gorgeous...just lifts the reader along with the rhyme scheme. Beautiful words, too.